


Patience

by mynameisjohnricharddeacon



Category: Guns N' Roses
Genre: Drama & Romance, F/M, Profanity, Rock and Roll, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:47:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 35,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26296663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mynameisjohnricharddeacon/pseuds/mynameisjohnricharddeacon
Summary: 23-year-old Rosalyn Blake is merely a bartender at The Rainbow in Hollywood in 1988 with a burning passion for the newest rock band Guns n Roses as well as their bassist Duff McKagan. When an assistant job for Guns n Roses opens up, Rosalyn is dying to have it. What happens when she's whisked into Duff's wild world of rock n roll?
Relationships: Duff McKagan/Rosalyn Blake, Izzy Stradlin/Rosalyn Blake





	1. Chapter 1

The year is 1988, and my name is Rosalyn Blake. Normally it’s just Rose to my friends. Just to give you a quick overview of what I look like, I have amber-colored eyes and vanilla-colored hair with a pretty light skin tone; and, I’m 23 years old. My birthday is on July 13, 1965. So there you go.  
I’ve been trying for ages to get a job as an assistant for the new popular rock band Guns n Roses. I love, love music with every fiber of my being. More specifically, I love rock n roll music. And I have the biggest celebrity crush on Duff McKagan. So that contributes to my wanting to be Guns n Roses’ assistant because, naturally, I would get to spend more time with the band. And Duff.  
I’ve sent in my resume to them about a week ago and, ever since then, I’ve been eagerly awaiting a letter saying that I got the job. Or maybe, at least, an interview. If I at least get an interview, then I know that I was on their list of people they’re considering which I hope that it’s me they consider.  
Of course, I do have a job of which I would happily quit if I got that job offer. Anyone that loves GNR would quit their current job just to be an assistant. However, when I snap out of my happy fantasy world, I’m only a lowly bartender at The Rainbow with some experience being someone’s assistant. When I look closer, my possibilities at getting accepted for the job is extremely low. I mean, sure, I know how to play guitar and I have some experience; but, I’m sure that there are plenty more people that are more experienced than me for that job. But my chances aren’t zero are they? So all I need is a miracle. Great.  
The bar is somewhat busy at this time of night, there’s always at least three or four people sitting at the bar idly with a drink or two in their hands, or perhaps just around them. Some people, I’ve noticed, just drown themselves in alcohol, empty glasses scattered around them. Sad really, but it's not like that’s my problem either. More tips and money for me to earn so I can barely scrape by in my tiny apartment. I mean, in reality, I get by fairly easy, some months better than others. I usually have enough for some food, some for new clothes if I'm desperate, rent, insurance, etc.  
I take a damp rag and clean the bar, which most people have cleared out. Then I look up at the clock. 7 p.m. Most nights I stay until we close, which is at 2 am. I go in at 4 pm. I get a few breaks in there, a good amount if I do say so.  
Considering that I work in the bar, it seems pretty quiet. The music around me thumps loudly, but since it’s music that I like, I don’t care. I zone out and daydream for a bit, which my job gives me plenty of opportunities to do that. My head fills with daydreams about Duff Mckagan and being a part of the band. God, I only can hope of being in that job spot. I’d consider myself one of the luckiest people on Earth. Not lucky if I win the lottery, or a game show, become a millionaire, or win a car. No. I’d consider myself lucky if I got a job for GNR because that’s my dream. Sure, maybe I can keep dreaming but I have a chance of it becoming real and all I can do now is just hold my breath and have a little patience.  
I look up again and scan for anyone else new venturing inside. No one new is sitting at the bar, however, there’s a familiar group of guys coming inside of The Rainbow, sitting themselves down at an empty table.  
Oh god, that’s Guns n Roses. I could recognize Duff anywhere. So, like a dummy, I just sit there and gape. Was there any other option? I’ve only ever seen him on MTV and in magazines. And like any normal girl, I cut out the pictures I want and keep them in a box. I’m sane, I promise.  
By some miracle, I see Duff looking at me only momentarily. But, our eyes did meet and it was a beyond glorious moment. I desperately want to go over there to talk to them, but my job normally doesn’t allow that because that’s not my job. However, I could say that it’s so I can take their orders or I could say that I need a break. Anything. I need, want, any excuse to go over and see them. Any at all. Never in another million years will I get an opportunity like this.  
Luckily for me, the bar seems to be slow at the moment, so I have time for a half an hour break perhaps. Like any normal break that I take throughout any given day, I place the same sign that reads ‘On a break. Be back in 30 minutes’ in the middle of the bar counter.  
Duff’s expression on his face was kind of serious-looking. But I saw that he noticed me walking around to the front of the bar where I was out of the way, and I liked how it softened a little, very slightly, when he looked at me. I had only hoped that this look was different from the way he looked at any other girl.  
Duff smiles wryly and looks away, turning to talk to his bandmates. I have to say that those few seconds that seemed to last a lifetime were amazing. I wouldn’t take them back for the entire world, never in a million years because I know that it’s as good as I’m gonna get.  
But to my surprise, I see Izzy walking up to me with a neutral expression plastered on his face and sunglasses propped up by his nose. I mean, why would he of all people be walking up to me and talking to me?  
“Hey, you’re the bartender aren't you?” he asks plainly, his voice level.  
I only chuckle and shake my head. He must want a drink or something. “Sorry, I’m on a break. You can come back in half an hour, then we can talk,” I reply smoothly.  
Izzy laughs. “No, no. I don’t want a drink. I was going to say that Duff was looking at you and wanted me to talk to you,” he pauses and looks back over at his table in which his bandmates urge him to keep talking. “So, Duff would like it if you’d come to sit with us. At least, for the 30 minutes that you have off.”  
I take a quick peek at Duff and the other guys at their table. He’s smiling at me with the same dazzling smile that I’m so familiar with from TV, magazines, and even MTV.  
“Why doesn’t he just ask me himself, huh?” I ask sarcastically.  
Izzy laughs at my joke which is barely audible over the music. “Not sure, to be honest.”  
I’m not gonna just pass this opportunity over, am I? I’d be stupid to decline their offer. From Duff McKagan nonetheless. But as I approached him, my breath caught in my throat for a moment. I was stunned, star-struck of you will. My heart started to beat faster than before, although it wasn’t audible over the music playing in the background. Thank god for that because that would’ve been mortifying.  
“You came. I thought that you weren’t gonna show,” Duff smiled.  
Resting my chin in my hand, facing Duff, I respond giddily, “Of course I would. Why wouldn’t I?” But the question still begs: Why’d he ask me over here? He has a girlfriend after all. “Hey, why did you ask me over here?”  
His face hardened as if he were thinking. “I just wanted to talk to you. And maybe get a free drink out of it too,” he joked, laughing all the while.  
Oh, how he could make me laugh. And, oh, how I couldn’t believe that he was talking to me. It was like a dream come true. It was a dream come true, for me at least. If I’m dreaming, don’t wake me up because I never want this to end.  
“So, the question we’ve all been waiting for. What’s your name?” Axl inquired.  
“Rosalyn Blake. But… You can just call me Rose if you like,” I mutter just loud enough for them to hear.  
“Rose… That’s a pretty name,” Duff comments with a small smile spread across his face.  
“You never call Rose ‘pretty’ when it’s used for my name,” Axl jokes sarcastically.  
“That’s because it’s her name,” Duff continues slyly. “And her name is pretty. For a girl.”  
We all erupt into laughter. Our laughter could be compared to a volcano erupting and lava spewing everywhere. God, now I really hope that I get that job because that means more moments like this one. Not only does that mean I get to work with one of the most popular rock bands right now, but I get to spend time with Duff a lot. Of course, that’s not the only reason why I would like to get that job, although it is one of the reasons.  
However, the mood seems to have changed after a short period of silence goes on. “Hey, have you guys thought about the assistant position more?” Slash brings up in a semi-quiet voice.  
Suddenly I perk up and my eyes widen, and I’m more awake it seems. “I mean, we have a fair amount of applications,” Steven adds worriedly.  
“I have a pile of applications that I’d like to consider,” Axl states plainly. “But we can worry about work later. We’re having fun.”  
I desperately want to speak up and say something, anything. I want to, but should I? “Oh, I’ve heard about that. I-um- I applied for that job. I have to admit that I’ve been anxious about hearing about it ever since I applied,” I uttered with a shy smile still dancing across my lips.  
They all gathered themselves in a semi-circle across from me at the table as if I were in a sort of interview. Goofy smiles were all on their faces, holding back laughter by their smiles. “Alright then, why do you think you’re good enough for the job?” Izzy prompts with the smallest hint of a smile.  
As a joke, I acted as if I had to think about my answer, although I did think of some things for future possible questions. Better to be safe than sorry, right? “Well, I do have experience being an office assistant all four years in high school and a year after high school too. I also consider myself a good follower of directions,” I brag jokingly.  
I look over at Duff again and the world stops spinning for a second, it seems, as our gazes meet once again. I feel a slight blush spread across my cheeks, growing light pink by the second. There seemed to be a bubble around us two and as if it were only us in the entire world. It was wild how the only person who’s ever made me feel this way is a rock celebrity. Just my luck. I mean, even though he seems to be kinda into me, I don’t want to press my luck.  
“Well, I don’t know if I speak for all of us, but I think that we should consider you,” Duff interjects with a hopeful smile on his face and a glance at everyone else at the table. Duff leans into me and gets close to my ear. “And since I’m having a great time tonight, I hope that we can be better… friends,” he whispers.  
But my eyes avert quickly to my watch on my wrist. Dang, it’s been about 30 minutes. I shoot an apologetic look to them, my eyes lingering longer on Duff than any other. “I’m sorry, but I have to get back to it. I hope that… I’ll see you another time? Maybe here or, possibly, at work?” I ask in a hopeful tone.  
“There’s a good chance,” Axl implies.  
“See you later, Rose,” Izzy nodded. 


	2. Chapter 2:

After I left to get back to work last night, I have to admit that I was constantly looking at Duff’s table all night long until they left in which he gave me a sort of look. I only hoped that they were discussing my being able to get the job because that would be incredible! How many people can say that they work for Guns n Roses?   
Going to sleep that night was so incredibly difficult for me to do because how can I possibly go to sleep when there’s now a good chance that I’ll get that job? I may not know them too well, but I can say that we all have the possibility of becoming terrific friends. But I sincerely hope that Duff and I have the potential to be something more than friends because there was something in the way that he looked at me last night that I just can’t forget.   
However, when I woke up, it seems like I have the same amount of energy that I did when I fell asleep last night, which was a disturbing amount if I do say so and it makes me wonder how in the world I got to falling asleep last night too.   
My stomach was twisting into knots and flipping back and forth. Needless to say, I was a nervous wreck getting up this morning because, I mean, there’s a good possibility that I’ll hear back about the job. I know, I know. It’s no good to obsess over something, but how can I think of anything else when this could quite possibly be the most important thing to ever happen to me?   
I wanted to try to calm myself down a bit, so coffee was obviously a no-go. I rummaged through my cupboards for something to eat for breakfast. Something tasty while being fulfilling and healthy. Pursing my lips tightly, I stare continuously into a ghost town of breakfast items. Finally, my eyes fall upon a package of frozen waffles that are practically screaming my name, begging me to eat them right at this moment. Hungrily, I pop two frozen waffles in my dinky toaster. It’s not the greatest, but it still works and there’s a low chance that it’ll explode. So, a win-win situation I guess.   
I decide to wait impatiently at the counter with my elbows propping myself up to watch the toaster give me back my waffles. Time passes slower when you decide to stare at something while you’re waiting or even just staring at a clock makes time feel like it’s passing slower. Time’s funny like that, isn’t it?   
Lucky for me, all things come to an end; so, my waffles are ready and perfectly toasted to my liking. Not too burnt, but not too albino-looking either. Perfectly toasted waffle right there. Of course, the only thing that could possibly make it any better is peanut butter on top and orange juice to go with it. My mouth waters only slightly as I set down my plate and cup of orange juice on my table.   
From my chair at the kitchen table, I have a good view of the door which has a mail slot in it. So for the past fifteen minutes, I’ve been looking back and forth between my breakfast and the mail slot, just in case my letter is waiting for me.  
My mind constantly keeps wandering to last night and daydreaming about Duff. I like him so much that I’m beginning to wonder if my feelings for him will get in the way of my possible job performance. Look at me, I’m already assuming that I’m getting the job. But I can’t help but wonder, and it’s not like it’s hurting anyone either. My emotions are conflicting between excitement, anxiousness, and nerves.   
The world stops spinning when I hear my mail slot making a noise. There at the foot of my door is a pristine white letter waiting for me, calling my name over and over again. Like in a magical movie moment, the sunlight from the window to the right of the door shone on the envelope that lay on the floor. Gingerly with one hand, I picked up the envelope with the tips of my fingers, ripping it open oh-so-carefully.   
I sucked in my breath into my throat, awaiting the moment where I can release it out of relief. This is it. It’s a do or dies moment where everything rides on this. The words appear to me on the paper small and concise and I scan the letter for a single phrase: You got the job. Or a variant of that, I guess. And so I saw it. I. Got. The. Job.   
I think I screamed so loud that all of the neighbors on the entire block could hear me screaming out of joy. I held the letter close to my chest, hugging it tightly with an enormous smile on my face. Things were about to become different for me starting today because in the letter it stated that I was to start as soon as I could today. So what better timing to start my new job than right now?   
All I have to do to get ready for the day is to shower, get some acceptable clothes, and brush my teeth. You know, stuff like that. Of course, there’s also the matter of my old job at The Rainbow. Since my hours are normally from 4 pm to 2 am, I’ll most likely have time during the day to go over there and say that I got accepted for a much better job. Not to brag, but I think, no I know, that I was the best employee on that staff. That was probably because I wasn’t lazy and actually hard-working. But to be completely honest, I’m just too excited to even think about my old job because this is a dream come true for me, and I can’t think about what used to be now. It’s like I always tell myself. Forget yesterday because it’s already forgotten you. Don’t sweat tomorrow because you haven’t even met. Instead, open your eyes and your heart to a truly precious gift: the present. I can’t say that it’s my motto, but it's some pretty damn good advice.   
With the same huge smile spread across my face, ear-to-ear, I sprinted upstairs to get ready for my new job as fast as I could. After all, it takes at least 9:15 am and it takes me around an hour to shower, put on make-up, brush my teeth, and find an outfit. I need to impress especially if Duff is going to be there. Not like that really is my top priority, but I’d rather look good to impress everyone while simultaneously looking good to subtly impress Duff too. Win-win situation.   
I stare into my closet to pick out my outfit beforehand so I can change inside the bathroom without having to decide afterward. After much consideration and thinking, I decide on wearing my favorite pair of acid-washed, ripped-at-the-knee jeans, and a v-neck black t-shirt. Now it may be November outside, but fall weather in Southern California, especially Los Angeles, can be crazy and undeterminable; however, it’s usually warmer than most non-native southern Californians would have guessed. Yes, most people associate fall with falling leaves and colder weather, but not usually around here. It sorta depends on the time. As I look out of my window to check the weather, eye-balling it, of course, I can tell that it’s warm-ish outside judging by the sun and semi-cloudy sky.   
At least thirty-five minutes later, I’m fully dressed in my outfit and it looks even better now that I put it on! I pick out a pair of black boots with a small heel just to tie everything together. Just as I’m about to put my make-up on, I hear the phone ring. Being the person that I am, I rush over to the phone just to see who it could be. After all, it could very well be someone… important.   
I gingerly pick up the phone with shaking hands. “Hello?”  
“This is Rose Blake, yeah?”  
I smile. “Yeah, is this Slash?”   
“You got me. We all just wanted to know when you plan on getting over here.” His voice goes into a lower tone. “I’m only calling because Duff was asking about you.”   
“Let me guess, he wants to talk to me, but doesn’t want to call me himself?”   
“Bingo got it in one. I’ll get him for you.”  
I wait patiently at the phone, pressing it to my ear. “Rose?”   
“Duff, you wanted to talk to me I heard?” I ask with a tinge of sarcasm in my voice.   
He chuckles. “Yeah, I guess. Just, you know, because it’s your first day on the job and I just figured-”   
“If you wanted to talk to me, you could’ve just called yourself because I would’ve gladly talked to you.”   
“I’ll keep that in mind for the next time…”  
I can’t stop myself from smiling so much because he seems to have that effect on me, which I’m not used to yet. “Well, if you want me to get over there quicker, then you’d better let me go so I can do my make-up.”  
“Oh, well we can’t have that. Although- Nevermind. See you.”   
The line ends. That was odd, to say the least. At first, he seemed super flirty and excited to talk to me, but something changed in his tone of voice. It was like it went from friendly and casual to formal and indifferent. I can’t lie and say that it didn’t upset me just a little, because it so did. But I can’t let that affect me too much because we are working together after all, so I can’t let whatever I’m feeling for him and whatever he may or may not be feeling for me get in between our work.   
Even with that small delay, I’m fully finished putting on my make-up by 10:20. Not too bad if I do say so myself. I chose to wear a darker shade of red lipstick because I thought that it would bring a nice pop of color to my outfit. I didn’t fuss too much about my make-up, so I only did some foundation, lipstick, and mascara just to make myself look a little more put together than usual.   
My smile is brighter and wider than usual, and I love seeing myself this way. Genuinely happy because life is going my way for once. But I do know that there are going to be some bumps and challenges along the way, however, that doesn’t really matter to me now. There’s still this nagging feeling that there’s something else that I’m missing.   
With a shrug I turn away from the mirror, my pulse suddenly starting to increase. Reality is finally setting in on how important this job is. My head has been in the clouds so much that I’ve forgotten about the importance of what I’m doing. I’m working for one of the most popular bands right now, so a lot is riding on things right now. However, all I can do right now is be calm and try not to freak out or mess anything up because I know that if I let my emotions get the better of me I’ll slack off. I can’t let Duff distract me no matter how much I’m tempted.   
The engine of my Chevrolet roared to life, shaky breaths entering and exiting my lungs. The scenery around me as I drove along with Hollywood whizzing past me in a sort of a blur. It occurs to me as I’m driving along that each and every person walking the sidewalks on the sides of my car has their individual stories with their own strengths, weaknesses, problems, and love lives. It makes me wonder why each and every person looks as if they’re so calm and serene, but it also makes me think about how many of those people are putting on a calm exterior to hide their true emotions. Now I’m a part of Guns n Roses’ story and timeline as I arrive at the front of their recording studio.   
‘Now I begin a new leg of my career and stepping into the spotlight. Don’t panic, I’m sure that it’ll be fine, especially with him there…’ The receptionist seemed like she didn’t recognize me when I first walked through the swinging double doors. She had raised an eyebrow in my direction that seemed to say, “You sure you’re in the right place?”   
“I- I’m here for Guns n Roses. I got the job as their assistant…” I whisper unsurely.   
The lady scoffs at me. “Are you sure? I mean-”  
She’s finally cut off by someone walking down the hallway just to the right of the receptionist’s desk. It was none other than Axl himself. “Hey, Rose, there you are! Walk with me to where we’re practicing,” he suggests, waving a hand to signal me to follow him.   
I was so relieved to hear him say that, because how else am I going to convince this lady that I’m working for Guns n Roses? Like there was no end in sight to that brewing argument. However, it was so satisfying to see her face afterward because her eyes went wide and the color drained from her face. Serves her right for just telling me off and not believing me. I guess I kind of felt smug about all of this.   
But whatever, I had more important things that lay ahead of me just as I approached the door where everyone else was practicing. Even Duff. I can’t even tell anymore if I’m excited, nervous, or both. All of the above? Perhaps. Things got a lot more real when Axl opened up the door and everyone in that room just looked at us walking in.   
“Guys, this is Rose. Our new assistant. Most of you remember her from last night,” Axl states.   
“I think she’ll do great at this job too. Better than a job as a bartender at The Rainbow,” Duff jested with a sarcastic smile.   
I gave him a smile back that seemed to convey a range of emotions. I mean I wasn’t sure how to even respond to something like that, but I figure that a simple smile is good enough.   
Just like that, just like a snap of a finger, they all got to work and I was just sitting there with nothing to do and not even knowing what to do. Axl was at the mike, Steven at the drum set, Izzy with his guitar and Slash with his, and then Duff with his bass. Of course, I can’t help but stare a bit and daydream. With nothing to currently do, why not? However, when he or anyone else looks my way, I avert my eyes to the floor or literally anything else. I just didn’t want to be caught staring.   
“Hey, you seem like you’re bored right now,” Izzy says, standing next to me. “Especially because I saw you staring at Duff. Don’t think I didn’t notice that.” He ended with a sly smile.   
I won’t lie, he caught me off-guard for a moment because I didn’t hear him coming. “I mean, you caught me. But I was also thinking about my old job at The Rainbow. I still need to quit…” I admitted, trailing off.   
He was taken aback at my statement and only chuckled before saying, “We’re not doing much of anything right now, so I can take you there so you can, ahem, resign,” Izzy offers.   
He really was trying to be a good friend to me and, truth-be-told, I did need friends in this newfound world that I was yanked into. It was a wild and crazy world that I was so vastly unfamiliar with and I desperately needed, no wanted, someone who I could call a friend that was just as familiar with this world as I was unfamiliar. Some people might go as far as to say that he liked me a little. But I wouldn’t even say that because I only saw him as a friend and besides, I like someone else.  
“Actually, that would be nice. As long as nobody else needs me to do something,” I interject, looking around the room and taking everything in.   
“Well, go check with Axl. I’m not gonna do everything for you,” he observed with a straight face, only a trace of a smile.   
I only roll my eyes and walk over to someone else other than Axl, only because he looked busy. So the next best thing is I just go and talk to Slash. He’ll probably pass to word along, right? “Hey, Slash, Izzy and I are heading to The Rainbow so Rose can quit her job,” he stated as we headed out the door.   
Silence consumed the air around us, my thoughts being consumed with daydreams of Duff naturally, and the only audible noise was the engine rolling as the car drove along the streets of Hollywood. My elbow was propped up against the side of the car, then I began to think. I’ve longed for that one person who just understands. The type of guy who isn’t quick to judge on any little thing. You can vent to them at any given moment, labeling you would be the last thing on their mind. They don’t believe rumors because they know that there are two sides to every story. They give you a chance before judging you by the outside and they get to know you, then have their own opinion. I like those kinds of people, and I’ve always wanted to have that kind of person in a relationship because it makes things a whole lot easier.   
I still couldn’t grasp that I was being dragged into the world of rock n roll and Hollywood and wild parties. Of course, that’s all on the outside. Nobody really knows, except for the people involved, what goes on in the world of rock n roll. I can’t help but think that there’s something more that goes on in that world, something that I can’t wait to go deeper into. There’s something intriguing about it all like a moth to a brightly lit flame.   
“What’re you thinking about?” Izzy asks after a lifetime of all-consuming silence.   
His question snapped me back into reality and out of my own mind, and that’s when I realized I hadn’t actually been speaking to him or anyone besides myself. “Oh, uh… Just, you know, thinking thoughts.”  
His sunglasses hid his eyes so well I couldn’t guess what he thought about that, except for the smallest hint of a smile forming on his lips because the corner of his mouth tugged upwards. Then right before he spoke, he smiled a toothy grin. “Let me guess: You were thinking about Duff? There’s no use in hiding it anymore because I see how you look at him,” he affirmed. For a moment I could see the sly look in his eyes because the sunlight hit his sunglasses just so.   
“Okay, okay. I won’t deny that I’ve been thinking about him. Like a lot. But like… What’s the deal with him anyway?” I implored.   
He had to think for a second, and that silence was almost deafening because I was so anxious about what was going on with Duff. “Well, I’ll tell you only because it’s best for you to know now from me than later from someone else,” Izzy adds. “He’s dating a girl. Her name’s Mandy. Ring any bells?”  
It did. It should’ve when I met Duff and the guys that night at The Rainbow. Mandy Brixx. I was so in the moment that night, last night, that I completely forgot about Duff’s relationship with Mandy. I mean, that should explain why he didn’t want to try anything with me, but I could tell that he might like me. All good things come at a price, and that’s mine. My only hope is that she and I don’t ever meet because that would be mortifying.   
“Ugh, unfortunately, yes. How could I forget about that?! I’m so stupid…” I muttered.   
As we came to a stop at the light, he put a hesitant hand on my shoulder for a moment before removing it as a sign of consolation. “If it makes you feel any better, Duff has been telling us for a while that she and he aren’t on the best of terms right now. Except that Mandy is still super into him.”  
“So I have a jealous girlfriend to deal with. Great,” I sigh, exasperated.   
“Don’t worry. I would prefer you and Duff to him and Mandy. I know that the other guys will too, once they get to know you,” Izzy responds.   
At last, we arrive at The Rainbow, the sign that is alive during the nighttime hours is now dull compared to the morning sunlight. At night, the sign becomes a glowing orb of rainbow, neon lights. During the day, it’s an unlit sign that doesn’t stand out in the crowd. For about a minute, Izzy and I both stare at the unlit Rainbow sign.   
“Well, in we go,” I state, my face expressionless.   
It didn’t really occur to me what I was doing until I walked inside and saw my boss working. I was quitting my job at The Rainbow because I got accepted by my dream job with my dream guy there too. Things at my old job were getting dull after a while because it was the same kind of thing each and every time I was standing at the bar. People would come and go, ask for drinks, and maybe a whole plate full of them. Of course, some people left drunk and some didn’t. Same old, same old. Every. Single. Night.   
“You good?” he asks me in a quiet whisper voice.   
I nod wordlessly because I was far too nervous to even say yes or no. Somehow, I felt like I was both ready and not ready for this. For quitting this job. On the one hand, it offered security and safety in more ways than money. On the other hand, it was boring and I felt like I needed that adventure and happiness. I’ve wanted this assistant job ever since Guns n Roses released Appetite for Destruction.   
With a deep, soothing breath inwards, my chest rising and falling with my breaths, I approached the counter my boss was at. “Hey… Uh, can I talk to you for a second?” I requested in a nervous tone.   
He only looks up a little from what he was doing, giving me at least a quarter of his attention. I have to say that I was offended because I was the best employee there, considering everyone else and that it’s my own opinion. “Sure. What’s up? Your shift isn’t for a bit, isn’t it?” he inquires.   
I gulp anxiously, Izzy giving me a reassuring look from underneath his black sunglasses. “Well, I got accepted as an assistant for Guns n Roses, and I’m here to formally resign…” I end up trailing off in my sentence.   
That’s when I got his full attention. Ha, yeah right. The only time I get his full attention is when I’m quitting. That’s when it really matters to you. Another reason why I would rather be with Guns n Roses than here because I’ll be treated with respect unlike here. Now’s my time.   
“Fine. Have fun in your new job. See if you’ll survive.”


	3. Chapter 3:

As we headed to the recording studio again, I began to think about the new path my life is going down. Then my boss’ last words to me rang through my head about a dozen times: ‘See if you’ll survive’. I mean, I know that life in the music business is tough and hard, but I don’t even know half of it. I’ve only been working for them for maybe a day? Not even a full day either. I have a feeling that there’s a lot more to come than just fun in this job. I intend to find the ins and outs of this new job, just like this new one.   
I’ll have to admit that it was fun getting to know the guy, and I find myself becoming better friends with Slash and Axl, as well as Duff and Izzy. Steven and I never clicked that well either, and I also find that his drug use may conflict with his drumming. Sad, because I see the potential in him. Shame, really.   
I walked throughout the studio, doing what everyone tells me to do. I walk near to Duff, and I get those same butterflies I always do when I’m near him or talking to him. He flashes the most charismatic smile at me. It was a wonder anyone could resist him. But I had to because I didn’t want Mandy on my back and coming at me with an imaginary knife. I’d hate to have that kind of target put on my back.   
Since it’s been at least one and a half, almost two weeks, I have finally been able to see what they do all the time. Right now, the guys are working on getting their newest album GNR Lies out. It’ll feature 4 covers and 4 acoustic. The last acoustic song hasn’t even been written yet; however, it’s said that everyone is working on a song inspired by… somebody. I don’t even know who and I work for them.   
I decided to let that go because it’s not really of my concern right now. I walked around with my new and official clipboard, that’s mine only, with it pressed tightly and closely to my chest. I felt a presence behind me and it could be anyone, but I knew exactly who it was. With a shy smile on my face, I turn around to figure out that it’s exactly who I knew it to be and who I wanted it to be.   
“Duff… Hi,” I gasp, eyes wide with surprise.   
“Hey. What’re you doing?” he asks inquisitively.   
I tuck a lock of loose hair in my face behind my ear, my cheeks growing redder by the second. The way he looks at me, the way he smiles at me, the way we can talk to each other… It all makes me feel so vulnerable. I know that there’s a chance that he likes me too, and I know for sure that I like him a lot more than I should. But here’s the thing: a little obstacle called Mandy. God, I hate her guts. Hate may be a strong word, but she’s in the way of my happiness; which sounds more selfish now that I think about it more.   
“Just… working. Shouldn’t you be too?” I reply with a sly smirk plastered on my face.   
Duff laughs at my joke, his eyes shining. “Yes, but I’d rather be talking to you.”   
“Maybe you should be saying that to your girlfriend Mandy?” I wondered with a sorrowful look on my face, which quickly replaced the confident one that was on my face only moments before.   
He sighs, his face also falling, “You got me… I should…”  
I cross my arms across my chest, closing myself off from him. I can’t allow myself to get any closer to him in that way, no matter how much it pains me to say. “Maybe someday, in my dreams, I’ll find my perfect person,” I admit, slipping a glance at Duff as I said ‘perfect person’. I only hope that he got the hint.   
His fallen face rises, like a phoenix from the ashes, into a bright and knowing smile. “Well… You must be dreaming because I’m right here. I know that look. I’m a firm believer that happiness makes people prettier, and I see that glow radiating off your face.”   
My cheeks grow hotter than before at his words. It was all clear to me now with our situation. I like him, he likes me. But there we couldn’t be anything more than star-crossed lovers in secret; and, all we needed was a little patience. The secret to my happiness that Duff was so keen on pointing out is that I let every situation be what it was instead of molding it into what I wanted it to be, then making the best of it. It was what I needed to do now, but I so wanted to do something about this.   
“I know that we like each other, but we just need to be… patient. But… for now, we can ‘hang out’ and go on a date later this week,” I reveal with a smile, my hand hiding it.   
His hand grazed against mine ever-so-slightly. I loved how Duff is so chill and, well, like the mom of the group. I think it’s so cute that he’s like that around them. But I also love how he can be both confident and vulnerable and sweet around me with no problems. He was the sweet bad-boy and I’m the quiet, responsible girl who you’d never think would get a guy like Duff. But they don’t know him as I do.   
It was then and there when I felt an electric-type spark between us that I knew needed to be hidden. I hated to say that, but I knew it to be true. 

*** 

When I worked at The Rainbow, I had this one friend who’s name was Mckenzie. In reality, she was the only person who I could tolerate at that place. The last time I saw her was the last day I worked there, and I left without saying goodbye. However, it wasn’t like we were besties or whatever. We were only good, casual friends who could hang out and talk every once in a while. I only realized this when I started to become better friends with Axl, Slash, and Izzy. Mckenzie slowly disappeared from my picture of friendship. Today would be the first time in a couple of weeks that Mckenzie and I would talk and hang out like we were at The Rainbow.   
I sit on my couch as she stands in the middle of the living room. “So, I got that job…” I sigh, exasperated from my day at work.   
The corner of her mouth turns up slightly as if she doesn’t care that much. “Yeah, much better than working there. I’m jealous in the sense that you don’t get to work here anymore,” she replies matter-of-factly.   
In response to her statement, I raise my eyebrow inquisitively. “You don’t like Guns n Roses?” I wondered.   
“No, but what about you? What’s it like working for a rock band?” she asks, her tone not changing from being uncaring.   
Okay, okay so maybe she didn’t care about my personal life all that much, but we are sort of getting along. “Well… Working with Duff McKagan is like- Wow! You know that I like him, like a lot…” I stutter.   
“Oh, I can only imagine. But do you know how he feels about you?” Mckenzie asks.   
My cheeks turn a bright red color. “He’s told me that he likes me too,” I whisper, barely audible.   
Her face remains unchanged, however, it seems as if she’s becoming more concerned. “You know that he’s dating Mandy Brixx, right? I’ve told you how I feel about rocker guys-”   
“Mckenzie. He- Duff is different from the guys you’ve heard about. He cares about me, and you don’t know what’s going on!” I exclaim in a whisper tone. The anger in my body was starting to come to a boiling point, however just below. I could feel it spreading throughout my body starting from my heart slowly.   
“Really? Well, this is what I do know. He’s dating Mandy, then you come along and he starts to flirt with you. Tell me, Rose, has he broken up with her yet?” she states, her voice rising.   
“Well- I mean- He hasn’t yet, but you don’t know! Did you know that Duff doesn’t really love Mandy anymore and that Mandy is still being possessive over him? I bet you didn’t,” I yell, my voice bouncing off the walls.   
“Still, that doesn’t make a difference! He’s basically cheating on her with you! Has he ever told you how much he likes you through actions? He’s no different than-”   
“Shut up! He’s- No- I-” I stop for a second to compose myself because the anger inside of me has fully boiled. “Duff is sweet and kind, and he cares about me. You don’t know him, so who are you to judge, huh? I think- I think you should leave. Now,” I command, pointing my finger towards the door.   
Mckenzie’s face still remains unchanged from the uncaring expression she had before, except I could detect the anger like flames in her eyes. No other words were spoken between us, and that’s how I want it to be. My vanilla-colored hair fell over my eyes as my head fell forward, the thoughts racing in my head cooling the burning anger within me.   
I remembered something Mckenzie said that stuck out to me, even though I didn’t address it. She asked if Duff ever showed me how much he likes me. That’s the thing. Saying those kinds of things and making all sorts of promises is way different than actually showing you how much they care for you. My heart pounded so furiously that I thought it was about to pop out of my chest. With every given nervous thought and doubt, my heart rate increased and beads of sweat rolled down my face.   
Was it all just meaningless words? The one time that I feel a spark with someone, who is completely out of my league may I add, and it might all be fake. Is what Mckenzie said true? If he really just like every other bad boy out there? Even when I believe that everything might be a lie, there’s still part of me that trusts Duff and that he’d never hurt me. 

*** 

This morning hit differently than the rest. I was so nervous that my stomach was churning like butter in Little House on the Prairie. I almost dreaded having to see him again because, if what she said was true, I don’t wanna find out the real truth. I wanted to trust him so badly, but the only way I’ll find things out is to just get there. Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to. I just have to give it time, and give people some space. I can’t make anything happen or force anything or anyone because what’s meant for me will come and stay on their own. I only hoped that Duff would stay on his own.   
At long last, I arrived at the studio. God, I was such a nervous wreck that I couldn’t concentrate. With a deep breath inwards, I walked inside and found Axl waiting for me. Our friendship is similar to that of siblings. I think of him like a brother who’s constantly protecting me. Izzy and Slash are like super close friends, almost getting to best friends. Steven and I never got close, and Duff and I are on a different level than the rest.   
“Hey Rose,” he greets with a smile.   
“Hey…” I trail off with a polite smile. No matter how much I try, I can’t get him off my mind. How am I ever going to be able to do my job today?   
Axl gives me a worried look. “Something bothering you?”  
“My friend from The Rainbow was telling me about how Duff may not be what he really seems. I mean, he told me that he likes me but what if he didn’t really mean it?” I implore, my eyes shining with curiosity.   
Suddenly, we stop in the middle of the hallway, and Axl looks me seriously in the eyes. “Look, Rose, whatever that friend said was wrong. Yes, he’s in a relationship with Mandy. That doesn’t matter, and you’ll see why later this week. He likes you a lot, and one of the most genuine guys I’ve met,” he explains.   
My mouth hung open in shock. If Axl said that I can trust Duff, then I knew it to be true. But I still had a lingering, nagging feeling inside my gut that wouldn’t go away. But for the most part, I felt great about everything. “Hey, thanks. I needed to hear that.”   
In a neutral sort of silence, we walked down the hall to the studio.


	4. Chapter 4

The door swung open and the person that I least expected to see, who was also the person I wanted to see least, was sitting therewith…  
“Rose, this is Mandy,” Duff explains, a look on his face that said so many emotions all at once.   
I’d never seen her in person or met her before, and I wanted to keep it that way forever, if possible. My heart pounded like crazy, possibly 100 beats per minute. My face went as white as a ghost during wintertime. My throat went as dry as Death Valley. I was so scared that she had heard something. I needed to say something, anything to make me not look stupid.   
“Hey,” I said with an awkward smile.   
Well, it’s better than nothing I suppose. I think to myself hesitantly. She gave me this look that seemed to say that she didn’t trust me one bit. Maybe she did hear about me and Duff having a thing going on. I mean, what was I supposed to do? Let my one chance go into the wind? Not a chance and the circumstances between him and Mandy couldn’t have been better either. However, she’s about to become my problem now.   
“So, Rose, we just finished the last acoustic song for ‘GNR Lies’,” Slash announced, breaking apart the growing tensions in the air.   
“I came up with the idea and wrote the lyrics, but Duff helped out too. I think you’ll like it,” Izzy added with a small smirk on his face.   
With that, I nodded with a shy smile, glancing in Duff's direction who was trying not to give anything away, and I sat down against the wall in a spare chair.   
‘One, two, one, two, three, four…  
Shed a tear 'cause I'm missin' you, I'm still alright to smile. Girl, I think about you every day now. It was a time when I wasn't sure, But you set my mind at ease. There is no doubt you're in my heart now.  
Said "woman take it slow, and it'll work itself out fine". All we need is just a little patience. Said, "sugar make it slow and we'll come together fine". All we need is just a little patience (Patience). Mm, yeah...  
I sit here on the stairs 'Cause I'd rather be alone. If I can't have you right now, I'll wait dear. Sometimes I get so tense but I can't speed up the time, But you know love there's one more thing to consider.  
Said "woman take it slow and things will be just fine". You and I'll just use a little patience. Said, "sugar take the time 'cause the lights are shining bright". You and I've got what it takes to make it. We won't fake it, I'll never break it. 'Cause I can't take it.  
Little patience, mm yeah, mm yeah. Need a little patience, yeah. Just a little patience, yeah. Some more patience, yeah (I've been walking the streets at night). Just trying to get it right (A little patience, yeah). It's hard to see with so many around. You know I don't like being stuck in the crowd (Could use some patience, yeah) And the streets don't change but maybe the names.  
I ain't got time for the game 'cause I need you (Gotta have more patience, yeah). Yeah, yeah, yeah but I need you (All need more patience).   
Oh, I need you (All need some patience).  
Oh, I need you (Just a little patience).  
Ooh, this time (Is all you need).’  
The more and more I listened to the song, closely examining the lyrics, it was brought to my attention that the song was written about me. Well, rather, about Duff and I’s relationship. They all wrote it together, and the fact that they sang it for the first time in front of me and Mandy was a bold move on their part. In a passive way, Duff was telling me that he wants to be with me and things will be fine with just a little patience. I was touched that Izzy would write something about Duff and me.   
My eyes met Duff’s from across the room, my cheeks burning red hot and his smile becoming shy and sweet. For a moment, I forgot that Mandy was even in the room and I think that he did for a moment too by the look in his eyes so full of love and affection for me.   
“Um, wow! That was such a great song guys! I think that Rose and I need to get to know each other. You keep on doing your thing. Duff, see you in a few minutes,” Mandy says, interrupting the silence. She winks and waves towards Duff and I knew that everyone felt as uncomfortable as I was right then.   
“So. Rosalyn Blake. Nice to finally meet you,” she greets me through gritted teeth and a forced smile.   
“Don’t pretend that you like me, or that we’re meeting under good circumstances because I’ve dreaded meeting you too,” I interject.   
Mandy only rolls her eyes at my comment. “Glad it’s out in the open. I know that you and my boyfriend have a thing for each other and I don’t like that. And I also figured out that your friends write that song ‘Patience’ about Duff and you. Touching,” Mandy says.   
“Look, we’ll never be friends. Sorry, but it’s true. It’s just that, you and I both know that he just doesn’t like you that much anymore. Hence why he started to like me,” I admit.   
Her arms are crossed against her chest as if she’s asserting her dominance or something. “Don’t you think I know that? I’m just trying to rekindle what we once had.”   
Duff and Mandy’s relationship is like two sticks that got soaked in water. She’s trying to rekindle a spark that got doused and will never be rekindled. I wanted to say something about it, however, I thought it would be better to not say anything and not stir the pot. I kept my mouth zipped tightly shut, my eyes averted to the ground below me.   
The door opens up, Mandy and I both turning our heads to see who it is. To both of our surprises, Duff is standing in the doorway with his arms crossed. I remain silent as if I’m too afraid to speak up and say anything.   
“Hey, I need to have a chat with Rose for a bit. See you- Later Mandy,” he tells her.  
“Okay… Talk to you later. Rosalyn,” Mandy says through gritted teeth.   
Yeah, I know for a fact that she doesn’t like me. If I were in her position I wouldn’t like whoever it was either, but she’s going about this in the wrong way. You can’t rekindle what’s already been lost and you can’t go after what doesn’t come back to you in the first place. That’s my reasoning.   
“So, I- Uh- I really liked that song. ‘Patience’. I- When I was listening to the lyrics, I knew that it was about us,” I mutter, my cheeks growing ever red.   
It was now when I finally noticed how tall he really was. I reached to his shoulders. Compared to him, I was short. He’s 6’3” and, well, I’m short enough for me. I was noticing Duff’s tattoo on his left shoulder and that, on his right arm, there seemed to be a part of his arm that had some muscles missing from his shoulder to his elbow. I began to wonder how it happened.   
“I thought you would. Well, Izzy knew you would. It was his idea, and I just was there,” he admitted.   
The space between us closed like we were still two magnets that couldn’t help but get closer. My right arm was against his left, my stomach that was once in knots and overrun by anxious butterflies is now calm because I’m with him. What was once a mere celebrity crush is now something more meaningful than that. Our hands brushed up against each other as we leaned against the wall outside the studio. Time wasn’t a concern of mine anymore. Irrelevant to us because it felt like Earth disappeared from around us.   
“Did you mean all of that? The lyrics in the song?” I ask hesitantly. The moment of truth, and there was no doubt that I was thinking about it.   
But Duff only chuckles and wraps his arm around my shoulders. “I meant it. Every word. ‘There is no doubt you’re in my heart now’. ‘If I can’t have you right now, I’ll wait dear’. ‘Just trying to get it right’,” he whispers.   
My head rests on his shoulder as his arm is still around mine. That moment was when everything around us melted away, leaving us two together.   
Then, suddenly, I knew he was leaning in towards me for a kiss. Oh god, oh no. Was this really happening?! But as soon as I knew it, I started doing the same because it felt so right and so mutual.   
“Hey, ready to come back in?” Steven interrupted.   
Duff and I were snapped out of our trance and looked towards Steven, Duff’s arm quickly laying at his side.   
“Yeah… We’re coming,” I reply.


	5. Chapter 5

Steven gave us a look that told us that he knew what we were up to. It was the perfect moment, and I couldn’t have imagined it with any other guy. But as they say, all good things must come to an end. I just hoped that moment wouldn’t have ended as soon as it did.   
“I know what you were doing. I’m not a fucking idiot,” Steven comments with a sly smile.   
“Shut the hell up, Steven,” Duff replies snarkily.   
We three burst into laughter for a moment or two before eventually heading back inside the studio recording room. I think that everyone that knows Duff and I well knows that there’s something going on between us. It’s difficult sometimes for me since it’s like we’re more than friends but not dating or boyfriend-girlfriend. What makes it even tougher is Mandy. Getting closer and closer to Duff makes it feel wrong to keep doing so, but, at the same time, it feels so right like it was meant to be.   
Of course, everyone else looks at us as we enter back inside the room with Izzy giving me an especially knowing look, raising an eyebrow slightly. No one else seemed to notice either. There was a lot of scattered snickering and giggles and smirks on their faces, most likely wondering what we were up to out there. The last thing they knew was that Mandy left the building and Duff went out to talk to me. I have no clue how long I was gone even, nor do I really care. Maybe I should, but it’s not like anyone seemed to care.   
“Get up to anything out there, Duff?” Slash teased with a laugh that told me he was drinking a bit.   
With a chuckle, Duff continued, “We would’ve kissed if someone hadn’t interrupted us.” He added a cunning smirk in Steven’s general direction, but couldn’t help but burst into more laughter. 

*** 

Back and forth banter continued throughout the rest of the recording session which, ironically, didn’t contain many recordings and a lot of practice rather. I loved my new job to death, and I wouldn’t trade it for any other job. Even a job as an actress or a singer because I love working behind the scenes with the band, helping them out, and getting to know them and their quirks. Getting to travel with them and hearing the songs prematurely is also a wild bonus.   
However, the session came to an end for the day. I aided in cleaning up as well as any other orders anyone else has whether it be a drink or food or go get something or ‘clean this up’. Whatever, man. I’d do anything if it meant I got to spend time with Duff.   
“Rose…” Duff whispers to me, beckoning me to go over to him.   
I smile with a slight blush rising to my cheek like a sunset tinting the sky pink and orange. “Yes?” I ask.   
He pulls me closer to him, my head on his chest, as we both lean against the walls behind us. “I was thinking of inviting you and the guys over to hang out after this at my place. No plans… Just whatever we want,” he suggested.   
I’m not gonna lie on this one, that plan sounds like a lot of fun and reminded me of the first time we all hung out together at The Rainbow. So, needless to say, I was all in. “That sounds amazing,” I mutter, looking up at Duff from under my eyelashes.   
With a smile on his face, he continues, “Great! I’ll pitch the idea to everyone else and then you can help me with my stuff?”  
I nod and follow him silently from behind to his car. The environment around us was bustling and busy with the air thick with pressure in the air to finish the new album. I was over the moon to see it become a reality, especially with my song on it as well. That aspect of it makes it seem a lot more personal than it already is. Most people wouldn’t even guess that, which makes the song even more special. I mean, I loved the song as it was without knowing it was written for me.   
I eye his bass guitar placed nicely in his case, touching the exterior gently. I can’t stop smiling, and I’m smiling so much that my cheeks are starting to hurt. “So, what do you want me to help you with?” I ask. I didn’t want it to look like he was just trying to get some alone time with me, which may be what he’s trying to achieve.   
Naturally, Duff chuckles while wrapping an arm around me. “I just wanted an excuse to be with you because, even if we’re not talking, I love being with you.”   
His flirtatious words made me blush even more. He brings his lips down to my temple and kisses it sweetly before letting go of me and releasing me. “I’d better let you go, unless you’d like to come with me,” Duff suggests.   
“Actually, I’ll take her over to your party myself. I want to talk with her too. You can’t fucking hog her, she’s all our friend too,” Izzy remarked with a chortle.   
Taking me by my arm, he drags me to his car where I wave to Duff goodbye shyly. “Any reason why you’ve decided to take me hostage?” I put on a joking tone as I spoke with a wry smile.   
Naturally, Izzy laughs at my joke, however, still with the intent of answering my question. “We needed to talk about what happened with you and Duff just us two rather than with everyone else there. I mean damn,” he replies with a laugh.   
Even so, Izzy and I sat in silence that felt comfortable for both of us. No talking, just the sound of Hollywood passing us by at a moment’s notice. I had no idea what to say or what he wanted to hear. Was there a reason that he wanted to talk to me in private rather than aside from the other guys in the studio? I mean I’d consider Izzy to be a close friend considering that I’ve only known him for a short period of time.   
But even when I was thinking about Izzy’s intentions on taking me to the party himself, Duff couldn’t stay out of my head. I would never have thought that my daydreams would come to life. He seems just as enamored with me as I am for him, and I don’t just mean simple attraction with looks. I genuinely feel like I’m falling for Duff, and it feels so wrong to be doing that especially with Mandy being in the picture whether I like it or not. I wanted to be with him, and it was just as simple and complicated as that. He’d be my greatest risk and the greatest reward.   
“So, tell me. What really did happen back there? With Mandy, with Duff?” Something I admired about him was that he often got straight to the point about what he wanted to know. No beating around the bush because Izzy just asks me what he wants and needs to know.   
A blush rises to my cheeks, as I often find it does nowadays. “Well, with Mandy… She made it clear that she’s jealous of me and practically hates me. I think… she’s trying to rekindle their lost flame, even though I know it will never work,”   
“Because Duff is so infatuated with you,” he interjects.   
“Exactly. And then it was like magic when Duff came in and stopped everything because he wanted to talk to me about my song. That’s when things changed. He told me that he meant every lyric in the song and I was swooning so hard, which sounds so cliche. Then, oh my god, I thought we were gonna kiss until Steven interrupted us. If I’m being honest, I immediately thought ‘Shit, not now’,” I explained with a slight dreamy tone to my voice.   
Although Izzy’s eyes were never removed from the road ahead of him, even though he had his iconic sunglasses on, a smirk spread across his face. “Well, that’s interesting. I’m sensing that you’re jealous of Mandy?”   
I scoff at his statement. “Yeah, a bit. Who wouldn’t? I mean, it’s more like hatred than anything, really,” A smirk also spread across my lips which held back laughter.   
As if no time passed whatsoever, Izzy and I arrived at his apartment where I also saw a motorcycle near the front of the curb, which I could only assume was his because he seems like the kind of guy who’d own one. “That yours?” I ask out of the blue.   
“Mhmm, don’t ride it often though,” he adds plainly.   
After that, more silence consumed the air around us, eating at our insides. Or, at least, mine because I had no idea what to say or what to do. When I’m with Duff, conversation comes so naturally to us that I don’t have to worry about it. However, Izzy is the kind of guy who sits in the corner and is generally fine with that.   
As we entered his apartment, the smell of smoke and alcohol hit my nose like a raging bomb fire. I’d become almost immune to the smell somewhat quickly since I work with them every day and they drink and smoke like it’s nothing. I’ve never been the kind of person to drink so much that I get drunk or get high or even have drugs at all.   
“So, excited about the party at Duff’s tonight?” I ask hesitantly.   
All he does at first is chuckle a bit, quietly but I can still hear it. “Is the silence too much for you, Rose? Am I that fucking boring to you?” Izzy laughs with a grin at me.   
“No- You know- You knew full well what I meant,” I added, tripping over my words a bit at first.   
“Calm down, I’m only joking,” he continues with a casual swig of beer.   
I laugh along, the air once again being devoured in silence. I can’t stop thinking about what’s going to happen at Duff’s party. What kinds of things will they want to do? Every nervous thought possible was running through my head like some kind of marathon. I wasn’t so nervous more than worried.   
“Thinking about the party? I mean you got nothing to worry about, really. It’ll be fun especially because we’re all close now,” Izzy comments with a casual drag of his cigarette, the glare of the ceiling light shining off his sunglasses.   
I shot him a grateful smile. “Well, then, are we gonna leave soon or what?” I requested.   
I couldn’t see, but judging by the smile on his face I knew that he was rolling his eyes at my comment. “Fine, fine. We’re leaving soon. Gimme a damn second,” he shoots back.   
I smirk smugly and sit down for a brief second in the meantime, awaiting his return. 

***

The car ride on the way to Duff’s house was similar to the one on the way here. Mostly in silence with bursts of laughter and conversation here and there. However, it gave me a chance to take in the Hollywood scenery. Not like there are too many beautiful sights to look at here anyhow. To me, it’s just taking in what I think it’s like here. Wild. Crazy. Full of life in daytime or nighttime. In a poetic way, I find that beautiful.   
But my thought stream stopped suddenly when Izzy’s car slowed to a stop in front of the curb at none other than Duff’s house. I’ll admit that it wasn’t even that far of a drive either. My cheeks blushed madly as they always do when I think of Duff. I’m thinking that Izzy noticed too as we clambered out of that car because of the look he gave me, to which I responded with another look that seemed to say ‘shut the hell up’. However, we both erupted in laughter afterward.   
Then, silently, we both approach the doorstep in which Duff promptly opens the door for us with the same dazzling smile of his before we could even knock or anything. “Rose- and Izzy- I’m glad you’re here…” he gasps, as if out of breath. Maybe I took his breath away, or maybe that’s too cheesy.   
Our hands brushed up against each other as I walked inside, sending a tingle down my spine like an electric shock from the electric chair. The rosy pink blush rose upon my cheeks even before entering never ceasing to go away. My heart fluttered like a dozen butterflies during springtime being set free. However, I felt Izzy, from behind me, step on the back of my shoe as if telling me in a non-verbal way that I needed to walk faster with a small, barely audible snicker.   
All three of us enter inside his living room with the TV and couches, and a coffee table in the center of everything. The couch was sat to the right of us against the wall as we came through the doorway with at least three cushions on it.   
His eyes gleaming, Duff sits on the rightmost side of the couch and pats the spot next to him, signaling me to sit there with a sly smile on his face, just beckoning for me to sit right there next to him. Of course, I sit there eagerly, perhaps too eagerly. Duff wraps an arm around my shoulder, leaving no remaining space left between us.   
However, there was the problem of Izzy. he kind of just stood there for a second very awkwardly before he sucked it up and sat to my left side. He had his arms crossed across his chest as if he were almost closing himself off, which I don’t find surprising since he’s always been that quiet-kind of type. Not shy, just quieter than the rest. Every group has one, and he’s ours. But I also got that vibe from Izzy that he was sitting further away from Duff and me purposely. I didn’t think anything of it because I was too much into my own little world.   
Finally, though, someone decides to speak. “Now, we wait for everyone else,” Duff speaks up.   
As I lay my head on his chest I feel the vibrations as he speaks which tickles a bit, I’ll admit and I caught myself giggling as well. Then we all sat in silence with each other, Duff and I in our world made of everything perfect and Izzy sat there in his world.


	6. Chapter 6

All three of us sat on Duff’s couch awaiting Slash and Steven’s arrival. I did fully expect them to come with some sort of booze or alcohol which would add to what Duff already has stocked in his fridge or pantry. Naturally, Duff had a bottle of vodka on his bedside table and a cigarette in his mouth along with Izzy. I was now living in a rock star’s world and I had to live with the fact that it consisted of wild nights, crazy music sessions, alcohol, and drugs. I had no problems with that because I always knew that the guys would get drunk from time to time. They knew how to handle their stuff, and I respect that in a weird sense.   
The time before the rest of the guys got here was filled with silence and Izzy being the third wheel. But I always knew that he was okay with it because he knows how much Duff and I are already practically a thing already if not for Mandy. Soon, I keep telling myself, she’d be out of the way and things will be okay again like we both wanted.   
Finally, though, Slash and Steven arrive with a prompt knocking at the door, rapping quickly on the door as if they were already drinking a bit. My shoulders roll as my stomach ties into an impossible knot because it’s all become so real onto what could happen tonight. I mean, come on. The guys all know about my feelings for Duff and his for me, so there’s no doubt in my mind that they’re gonna make us do something.   
“Hey, ready to have a little bit of… fun?” Steven laughs with a smile, barely being able to talk straight over his overbearing laughter.   
I burst into laughter as well as if it’s like a contagious disease as Steven’s goofiness. I’ve never been able to get close enough to be friends with Steven because he and I never really clicked. However, I do know that he’s a good guy, but I do know that his drug and alcohol problem have a good possibility to get out of hand, and that’d be really terrible if his problem would be such a problem that it’d get in the way of his drumming. He’s a talented rock n roll drummer, not gonna lie about that.   
Slash entered inside with his signature black top hat placed nicely on top of his fluffy black hair and sunglasses in which he promptly removed them upon entering Duff's house. Steven entered with a goofy grin on his face which gave me a hint that he’d been drinking or smoking something, god knows what. Of course, which one of these guys hadn’t been drinking or smoking anything? They’re rock n roll gods in my opinion. I loved how in the few seconds to minutes that they’d been just coming inside I had the chance to soak up my surroundings and take a glimpse into their private lives and what they do for fun. Also, I have the chance to see what they’re like when they’re drunk. I mean, I have my guesses but we’ll see which of them are necessarily true.   
“Alright, what’s on the plan?” Slash asks with a grin on his face that told me he had a few ideas up his sleeve. “What kind of shit are we getting up to tonight?”  
Everyone laughs at his joke, but I giggle as my eyes naturally gaze towards Duff in an affectionate glance. I’m still at that stage where I sometimes get tongue-tied around him and I always get those same butterflies that I’m convinced permanently live in my stomach considering on how much they flutter about when I talk to Duff when I’m around him, or even when I’m thinking about him which is often if I’m honest.   
“I always have a few ideas up my sleeve which I think some people may like…” Slash adds with a small smirk on his face, meaning to be directed towards me.   
“Alright, okay, what’re your fucking ideas, Slash?” Duff let's out with a chuckle.   
He let's a few nerve-wracking seconds pass before saying anything, really ramping up the tension, even though I already know what it’s gonna be. Well, I have a good guess.   
“Alright, how about truth or dare?” Slash suggested with a grin.   
Everyone else laughed, although I had a bit of excitement in my stomach. “I’m up for it.”   
“Nah, I’m not doing it,” Izzy stated, his expression unchanged.   
I smirk at him and elbow him in the ribs as I add, “What, are you too chicken?”   
For a moment, I could see Izzy’s body tense up but with a small smile to accompany it. Somehow, I had managed to convince him to join in our game of Truth or Dare. Five guys who are gonna be drinking are playing a game that girls play at a sleepover party. What can go wrong?   
All six of us arrange ourselves in a circle, whether some of us are on the couch or in other chairs or even on the floor. Duff, Izzy, and I remain on the couch in our same positions as before with Duff and I practically cuddling. Axl and Slash had grabbed chairs from somewhere while Steven sat on the floor at first before he grabbed a chair as well, the carpet underneath them making muffled shuffling noises.   
Slash still had a goofy grin on his face and a drink in a red solo cup in his hand, along with the rest of the guys. Yeah no drinks for me thanks. If I were thirsty I’d prefer water. All of us were ready, and I was a little overly excited about playing this game. I mean, finding out juicy secrets or having someone else do something that’s really embarrassing. However, it also made me a bit anxious as to what they’d have me do for a dare or have me admit in a truth.   
Ideas filled our heads in the few seconds of silence before someone piped up to start the game. I would most certainly start the game if I wasn’t feeling the nervous butterflies in my stomach again. Nah, I just gotta tell myself that it’ll be a fun game, right? No harm, but I’m still not starting the game. After all, who would I ask?   
“Okay, I guess I’ll start since none of you are,” Axl announced, his deep voice booming off the walls in the silence-filled house. Laughter erupts like a volcano in the room at Axl’s statement. “Alright, Slash… Truth or dare?”   
Without a second thought or doubt in his mind, he replies, “Dare.”  
Axl kind of sat there as if he didn’t already have an idea of what to ask or say in response to Slash’s answer. Although, that’s relatable because one of the hardest parts is making something up. “Okay, okay, dance like a fucking idiot for 20 seconds without music.”   
My chest falls and rises as I laugh hard at Axl’s idea. The room seems to have lightened up as the game starts. I love that feeling when you’re hanging out with friends and the room seems happier and lighter and my heart has that warm, fuzzy feeling that spreads throughout my entire body. It was a really nice feeling.   
But what made it even better was the fact that I was here sitting in very close proximity to Duff McKagan. He’s been my celebrity crush ever since Guns n Roses got popular, so about a year. I liked him so much that my celebrity crush almost got out of hand. However, something magical and unexpected happened when he started to fall for me too almost as much as I did for him. I loved that feeling, and it was the greatest in the world. It was like a rock n roll fairytale.   
My trance was interrupted when I started to pay attention to Slash’s dancing in the middle of the room. He embraced that he looked like an idiot, which made everything even funnier because he just looked like a total idiot. I loved that.   
“That’s done, and now it’s my turn to ask someone. Um…” he stopped with a small chuckle and looked around the room for a second. “ ‘Kay, Steven, truth or dare?”  
“Dare, all the way,” he answered confidently.   
“Okay, I’m gonna mix a drink. A small amount of it and you’re drinking it all,” Slash proposed with a sly smile.   
Various gasps were heard throughout the room, and I felt Duff laughing because his body trembled slightly as he laughed. Slash ventured off to the kitchen and, without anyone looking at what he grabbed, he brought the cup out to Steven who had a nervous and confident smile spread upon his face. To my surprise, he chugged it without hesitation or doubt in his mind.   
We watched his face carefully for any signs that the drink was utterly disgusting. Although he did grimace a bit, he did nothing too extreme. Where’s the fun in that?   
“Damnit!!” Slash screamed, sending everyone else in the room into fits of laughter.   
“That was no fun to watch!” I exclaimed with a smile.   
“Whatever. It’s my turn now, so I choose Axl.” Steven responds.   
He sits there for a moment, clearly knowing what he wants. However, it was as if he was upping the suspense in the room and adding a sense of tension to the air to make things even more exciting and nerve-wracking. “I’ll do the truth.”  
“What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?” Steven asks with a mischievous smile on his face. I have to admit that I let out a giggle at what the answer could possibly be. I mean, it has to be something good right?   
Laughing, Axl answers, “I rode my bike outside of the bus when the rest of you guys were in an interview.”   
Everyone else laughs, obviously knowing and remembering the named event. Although, it was funny so I joined in on the laughter too. “Oh my god, you didn’t!” I commented, a smile dancing on my lips like a group of girls in a dance recital.   
“I did, and you shouldn’t be at all surprised about that either, Rose,” Axl adds.   
I rolled my eyes at his smartass comment. “Fine, who do you pick?” I ask plainly, a smile still on my lips.   
“Duff.” he responds plainly, not bothering to ask ‘truth or dare’ because everyone should already know the drill by now.   
“Truth. Hit me with it,” he responds, giving me a glance all the while. His eyes shone as he looked at me and made my heart skip a beat. If this is what the honeymoon phase feels like then I never want it to end because it’s incredible.   
“Would you make out with Rose right now if you had to with Mandy in the room?” Axl interjects, a knowing smirk on his face.   
That’s when the room went silent again before I let out a small gasp. It’s not like it was a particularly hard question to answer, but it was surprising what he asked as his question. Go big or go home, right?   
“One hundred percent. I’d do it right now, but I’ll save it for later…” he mutters into my ear, sending a tingle down my spine.   
“But that’s a topic for another time. Izzy, what’s it gonna be?” Duff asks, squeezing my shoulder simultaneously.   
With his sunglasses in his right hand nearest to me and twirling them in his fingers, he said, “Dare.”   
Then a mischievous smile spreads across his face similar to that of Steven’s earlier in the game. “Okay, give a small kiss to the hottest guy here,” he dares him.   
I laugh out loud, knowing fully well that this will be hilarious. I avert my eyes in Izzy’s direction, wondering what he’ll do. However, strangely, he didn’t give a look to any of the guys as if he didn't acknowledge them at all. Instead, his eyes told me that he had a hint of nerves for what he was about to do.   
To the surprise of everybody in the entire room and maybe the entire world, Izzy places both of his hands on either side of my face and presses his lips to mine in a hot moment that was so unexpected that I jumped a bit. One of his hands fell at my waist for a few seconds. I have to admit that it sent a shiver down my spine as his lips continued to kiss mine. It was… Well, I don’t know what to make of it. What is this hinting at? What is Izzy playing at, and why me? Of everyone, I’m not a guy so why did he kiss me?   
As quickly as he had started, Izzy pulled his hand away from my waist and face and slid over to the other side of the couch. Duff’s hand defensively wrapped around my shoulder and pulled me close to him similar to before. However, I could detect a faint hint of a blush spreading on Izzy’s cheeks as he folded his hands across his chest, clearly embarrassed.   
I was so shocked and perplexed, and I’m pretty damn sure that everyone else felt that way too because we all just looked at each other. I look quietly up at Duff who looked just as confused as everyone else, except for a different reason than everybody else was. “So, Izzy, what the hell was that? Because that sure wasn’t my dare for you…” Duff cautioned, his hand squeezing my shoulder tighter as if that showed anyone anything at all.   
However, Izzy lets out a nervously-confident chuckle and puts on a smile in order to hide something that I can’t place quite yet. “You said to give a kiss to one of the guys, and Rose is like one of the guys. Technically, I wasn’t in the wrong there. So, just let it the fuck go,” he surmised. He seemed too overly confident about his reasoning, and it was more of an excuse than anything. But for what was still on my mind as my thoughts raced and bumped up against each other rapidly.   
No one else dared to say anything, and I know why too. I mean sure. It was only a game, that’s all.   
“Why don’t we change things up…?” I decided in a quiet voice.   
For a few seconds, things were still silent, so silent you could hear a pin drop. “Sure, like a different game?” Axl suggests.   
We all agree with various, scattered nods throughout the room. Then Axl gets a smile on his face, like another idea for a game. This could either be a great idea that brings the mood back up to its normal self or be a bad idea that makes everything ultimately worse for everyone. But, I’m too quick to judge just yet.   
“What if we play a game like Seven Minutes in Heaven? Except we spin a bottle between us guys to see who gets to go in the closet with Rose,” Axl suggests slyly. “If that’s okay with her, that is.”   
I couldn’t help but look up at Duff to see his reaction. His face told me that he was excited about it, a smile on his face that spread from ear to ear. Then I looked over at Izzy’s reaction, solely because I was curious because of the… current situation. But his face was like stone. It didn’t give me any indication of what he thought about Axl’s new game idea. I shrugged it off as nothing to worry about because I knew that everything will even itself out eventually.   
“I’m down,” I reply eagerly.


	7. Chapter 7

Everyone else nods their heads with smiles on their faces. I knew already that things were lightening up, and I was so glad about that too. After all, it was only a game. How could it possibly change anything?   
So, Duff, Izzy, Axl, Slash, and Steven sit on the floor in a small-ish circle. I headed over to the kitchen with a shy smile on my face while I got an empty bottle to use for the game. All the possibilities flooded into my head, and I hoped and prayed with all my might that Duff would get chosen. However, it is the luck of the spin after all.   
With my same smile stuck on my face like glue, I placed the bottle in the middle of the guys. “Ready? I’ll spin it and whoever it lands on will get to go in with me. I say we play two rounds, so hope for the best,” I declared with a smirk. My fingers grasped the glass bottle carefully, my fingernails making noises on the glass as I spun the bottle. It moved in its place a little bit after I spun it around. This was the most anxiety-inducing part because you never know who it’ll land on. I mean, I have two chances so I’m hoping that someone good gets chosen.   
Finally, the bottle comes to a slow that seems almost painful to watch. To my eager eyes, the bottle’s mouth points in Duff’s direction and he flashes me a smile. I wonder if we’ll kiss. We’ve never kissed before. I think to myself with a smile and my cheeks growing redder by the minute.   
He takes me by the hand with a reassuring smile. My hand fits his hand and he gives it a small squeeze for some reassurance. Not that I needed any because this was the moment I’ve been waiting for my whole life. I looked behind me before I closed the closet door to see their faces, and Izzy just gave me this look that seemed to say ‘Have fun with him’. I gave him a wink that also seemed to say ‘Don’t worry, I will’.   
The door shuts hard behind us, the only light being the small, dingy light bulb above us on the ceiling. My heart was pounding and fluttering madly but, at the same time, skipping beats. I couldn’t hide the fact that I was becoming more nervous than I originally thought I would. I couldn’t hide the fact that my whole face was as red as a brick.   
“Do I make you nervous?” he whispers into my ear. The hairs on my arm stand up as his question courses within me. Of course, he only made me more nervous by asking that, which may have been his ulterior motive. I wouldn’t be surprised because he always loved to see me blushing and shy like that.   
“Very… But I’ve been waiting for this moment since, well, since I started to like you,” I admitted, whispering in a low voice.   
He lets out a low, husky chuckle. “Well, I’ll fix that for you…”   
With that, he brought me closer to his by pulling my shoulders closer and closer until the space between us was gone and we were finally kissing. His arms wrapped around my lower back, while I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. I had only realized now how broad they felt when you’re this close to him, and it was strange to even think. But the most astonishing thing was that I could say I kissed Duff McKagan of Guns n Roses. I never wanted it to end. The thing is, he wasn’t my first kiss but his kiss was the one that really and truly mattered to me. And I knew that he felt the same way about me.   
The undeniable passion was, well, undeniable. My heart was in a wild frenzy until he had pulled away for a breath. I smelled a tiny bit of alcohol on his breath, which I had never minded all too much. I smiled. “What? Why’d you pull away?” I asked jokingly.   
I could feel his shoulders shaking as he laughed lightly, trying not to make too much noise. “No- It’s just- You’re so beautiful,”   
“That’s cliche bullshit and you know that, Duff,” I remark, the smile never ceases to go away.   
“No, I didn’t mean it like that… But I do mean that. You’re beautiful on the outside and the inside. I wish this didn’t have to end,” he admits, his smile forming into a frown.   
Before I could even have a chance to respond, the door flies open with a couple of people in the doorway. “Time’s up!” Axl yells practically in our faces.   
“Looks like someone had a good time,” Slash remarked with a sly smirk.   
The only one not standing and waiting for us by the door was Izzy. He just sat on the couch and noticed that I was looking at him with a raised eyebrow to which he responded with a shrug.   
There was no denying that I was blushing hard right now as if I never stopped blushing from before when we started our seven minutes. I almost didn’t want to look at anybody because they’d all whistle at us and ask questions or make snide remarks, which I didn’t mind too much but I just didn’t want all the spotlight on me. Although, there’s no escaping that now because the game is pretty much centered around me.   
They all assemble themselves in a circle once again and Duff has a smile on his face and so did I except mine, was shyer than he was. “Hey Duff maybe you’ll get lucky and get a second round with Rose,” Steven jokes, everyone erupting in laughter.   
This was one of few times when I had seen Duff blush like that, and I have to say that he’s cute when he blushes. And once again I was spinning the bottle as I did before. However, I wasn’t as nervous as I was before because I knew what to expect. After all, this is just a game.   
Deja vu swept over me like a wave crashing against a rock as the bottle’s mouth slowed to a stop around the circle, getting slower and slower with every passing second. To my surprise, and everyone else’s it lands on...   
“Izzy?” I marveled, our eyes meeting with the same amount of confusion as everyone else.   
“Alright! Get in there and, remember, seven minutes, and then we’re coming in no matter what!” Axl exclaims, pushing us into the same closet that Duff and I were in only moments ago.   
But when the door shut, things changed because I felt the tension in the air and my stomach was in knots because I didn’t know what was gonna happen. We were both as silent as a deserted street at midnight. I wanted to open my mouth to say something, anything, but I can’t think of anything.   
“You’re probably thinking about the kiss earlier during the Truth or Dare game, huh?” Izzy asks in a whisper-tone.   
I shrug my shoulders in an attempt to hide a smile. “I mean, it crossed my mind a little bit. I just couldn’t stop thinking about it…” I trailed off.   
He nods his head slightly while keeping the air between us silent for a minute or so. “I’m sorry if it confused you, for the record. But it- I felt like I had to because I’ll admit that I like you,” Izzy reveals.   
That’s when my heart stopped for a second. I mean, everything adds up from Day one when we met until now. It even explains that kiss. He had the chance and took it without a doubt. I’d have done the same thing for someone I liked, but I was lucky enough to have the guy I like to feel the same way. “I- I mean I’m surprised, but it explains a lot. But… You don’t have to be sorry. I get it, you felt like it was right at the moment, and I respect that,” I continue with an encouraging smile.   
He and I were standing with our backs against the wall with little space between us. I didn’t want him to feel like I was awkward around him, because that’s the last emotion I’m feeling right now. He’s still my closest friend right now and nothing’s changed that.   
Izzy shuffled in his spot. Clearly there’s something on his mind. “There are only five minutes left of our time…” He stops, pausing to take a deep breath for a moment. “Can you keep a secret? Because I feel like I need to get this out.”   
I raise an eyebrow, not skeptically but curiously. The corner of my mouth quirks up. I’ve been told that I’m a good secret keeper. “Yeah, of course. What is-”   
Immediately, I was cut off with Izzy filling up space between us. He placed his hands on my waist and proceeded to bring me closer to him. My mind was going wild with all these thoughts of what he could possibly be doing. But then it finally occurred to me when he planted a kiss on my lips like the last time. At first, I was confused. But at the same time, I wasn’t stopping it. That was the most perplexing part to me because I wasn’t interested in him, yet I didn’t stop him kissing me.   
At first, my arms were at my sides until I gently placed them on his arms. It was nothing too much like a full-on make-out session, but it wasn’t anything like a tame, little peck on the lips. I had this strange sensation in my chest, unlike anything I’ve known. It wasn’t attraction or boredom, but something different that made my heartbeat in a different way. I wasn’t sure, but I had other things on my mind. Oh god, what was going on? What was I doing? I liked Duff, so why was I doing this?   
However as I was in the middle of our kiss, I noticed that he was a pretty good kisser, considering. Unexpectedly, his fingers were pulling away from my waist and brushed up against my stomach lightly. I had to pull away from him to let out a giggle and a smile.   
“What?” he asked jokingly.   
“I’m ticklish there!” I whispered.   
He laughs too mischievously. “Oh! You mean like this?” He proceeds to poke my stomach multiple times in a row. I can’t help but muffle my laughs with a hand over my mouth. Suddenly he realized what we were doing and placed his hand over mine to muffle my laughter.   
“Okay, we need to promise not to say anything about this. I mean- I just don’t want to come between you and Duff because I know how much you like him and he likes you. I’d hate to get in the way of that…”   
My hands are on his shoulders to steady myself from falling down, meanwhile, my face was serious and thoughtful. “I promise, as long as you promise not to let anything slip.” He nods in addition.   
I knew that our time was almost up with at least a minute left probably. So, in turn, we both separated ourselves from each other and left some space in between. So, this was it. My big, deep secret that I could never tell anyone. I would never tell anyone, not in a million years. If Duff found out, he’d take it the wrong way and… Oh god, I’d hate it if he were mad at me. Even after all that, I still didn’t like Izzy like that. But I let it all happen, and deep down I was wondering that even if in my immediate thoughts I wasn’t.   
Time was up when we both heard running to the closet door. Nothing between us seemed out of place or out of the ordinary. I wanted to tell someone, anyone, like any secret. But this was one thing that I couldn’t just let slip.   
“Time’s up!” Steven screams while the door is swung open. I let out a smile that doesn’t seem to reveal anything.   
“Got up to anything, Izzy?” Duff asks unassumingly. He knew that I’d never get up to anything, which didn’t make keeping the secret any easier.   
“Nah, we just talked the whole time,” Izzy assured with a small smile.   
“It was nice to catch up…” I add, my voice trailing off as my gaze locks with Duff’s gaze. 

*** 

Night soon befell us, and the guys crashed on the floor and the couch which Duff didn’t mind. But that means Duff and I are left all alone. I know that I’m tired, and I can tell from the look in his eyes that he is too.   
“Do you- I mean- Do you want to come in bed with me? I’m not saying that we have to do anything. But if you want we can just cuddle and fall asleep…” Duff suggests. At that moment he seemed shy and maybe nervous as if I’d take his suggestion the wrong way.   
However, I just laughed at his flustered state and placed my head on his chest. “Sure, I’d like that.”  
Soon enough, I was climbing inside his bed next to him. Just as soon as it began, I started to fall asleep. He leans in and gently places a kiss on my lips with a tired smile. “Love you… good night…” he mutters as my eyes close.   
“Love you… too…”


	8. Chapter 8

A few days passed, and Duff and I were stronger than ever. However, we weren’t officially dating yet because he hasn’t broken up with Mandy yet. I mean, it’s sad but it also makes me wonder why? He’s been giving me subtle hints of breaking up with her though, so that gives me hope. There’s nothing that I can really do about this sort of thing because it’s between him and Mandy. I’m only partially involved here.   
I told myself that I wouldn’t act awkward at work around them. I really wanted to because this was possibly the biggest secret that I can think of that I’ve had to keep from everybody. It was almost driving me insane like someone in an insane asylum. Well, maybe I’m overreacting a bit. However, it didn’t make my anxiety and nerves any less than they are. Everything at the party made today’s day at work more interesting.   
I got up this morning with this mixture of feelings in my stomach like excitement and nervousness and so many other things that I couldn’t name. Nonetheless, I wanted to ignore them anyways in order to have a good day considering what’s happened. The sunlight shone through my blinds and left streaks of light across the floor of my bedroom.   
With a shaky breath inwards, my chest shaking slightly, I walked over to my bathroom with my newly picked outfit. I chose a pair of jeans and a semi-tight t-shirt. It looked good to me, so why shouldn’t I wear it? I had also decided to wear some lipstick in my favorite shade: red. I probably spent at least a good three minutes rummaging through my lipstick drawer to find the perfect shade of red lipstick.   
My breath smelled fresh after I placed my toothbrush into its respective holder while my hand grasped the tube of lipstick with the other hand. Gently, I applied an even layer lipstick to my lips, and, as I stepped back from the mirror, I assessed that it looked good enough. I couldn’t help but wonder as I walked out the door with my bag what they would have me do today. Would it be an easy day? Stressful and busy day? One can never know.   
Surprisingly, traffic wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. So, I’m glad that wasn’t a hassle because it would just add more stress to my brain. Then the studio came into sight with a decently filled parking lot in front of it. However, I did find Axl starting to walk inside of the building to which he stopped to turn around and see me pulling in. He bore a welcoming smile on his face, and he didn’t seem to notice anything wrong.   
“Hey… I’m ready to get working…” I stammered. Yeah, nice job of being secretive.   
Of course, that’s where I was wrong about Axl. He sure noticed that something was off about everything. About me and my secret. My heart pounded like a jackhammer against a concrete sidewalk. “You sure? Because… you like hell,” he commented, his smile diminishing into a more serious expression.   
That’s when I stopped walking and stopped Axl from walking any further. Lucky for me, we were still in the parking lot outside the building. “Oh god, I can’t keep it in anymore. I’ve been keeping a secret from the party last night and I need to tell someone. But you need to promise me that you won’t tell a soul…” I mutter. “I just need to tell someone.”  
He nods wordlessly, looking me straight in the eyes.   
“You remember when Izzy kissed me during Truth or Dare. But during my round of Seven Minutes in Heaven with Izzy, he told me that he likes me. But this is where it gets interesting-” I paused for a second to compose myself. “He told me to keep a secret and without saying anything else, he pulled me in for another kiss. But it wasn’t like in Truth or Dare because I could tell that he was, well, into it I guess. The thing is, I didn’t do anything to stop him from kissing me and me just… Let it happen. I don’t know what to think because I didn’t feel any sort of attraction between us, but it wasn’t nothing that I felt…”   
He stood there stunned. No words came out of his mouth and it hung open like a drawbridge on a castle. His eyes were wide open as well. “I knew that there was something that went on! It seemed too… Well, it felt like you were too casual about it. But I figured that Izzy liked you because of the amount of time he spends with you. But, I think you should just tell Duff,” Axl suggested.   
My eyes went wide with shock. “I- I mean, I know what you’re saying… But I just don't want to say anything yet. Maybe if I wait it out then it’ll be fine. But I’ll tell him eventually. Just not now!” I hissed.   
And without another word, Axl and I headed inside the building as if nothing had happened. That’s how I liked it, and how it needed to be. I can trust Axl to keep my secret, so what else could happen?   
With one deep, soothing breath inwards, my lungs being filled with air, Axl and I walked inside the studio. Immediately as I put one foot through the door, I could feel the atmosphere changing in the depths of my soul. One moment, things were calm and serene in the air around me. Then the studio that they were practicing in changed dramatically. I felt the sensation I feel whenever I’m around Duff or even think about him. But then I felt these awkward kind-of feelings from Izzy. All of these emotions were combatting with each other like gladiators in a Roman Arena.   
At first, I looked at Duff who I already noticed was looking at me from the moment I walked inside. However, after four seconds he looked away and back to whatever he was doing. Then I looked over at Izzy who I also saw was looking at me. However, unlike Duff, he didn’t seem to look away as quickly. It told me a lot about each of their personalities and how they differ from each other. I was the first one to look away and back to where my workspace was. My hand, almost unintentionally, went up to my hair and fiddled with the ends of my hair as I started to work.   
From my small office, I could hear Axl talking to the guys. My mind was such a mess that it was almost impossible for me to concentrate. I couldn’t help but overhear their conversation.   
“Okay guys, GNR Lies is dated to release November 29. Today is November 20th, so we have nine days to add final touches. But other than that, we’re good for work right now,” Axl announces. I wasn’t looking over at them, but I could still hear them talking among some other scattered chatter.   
“Hey, Rose.” Whoever was talking to me had scared the living daylight out of me because I was in such a trance that I wasn’t aware of anything else going on around me. But as I turned around, I discovered it to be Duff and I smiled widely.   
“Oh… You scared me,” I admitted, scratching the back of my neck with a sheepish grin.   
With a chuckle, he responds, “I know. I saw you kinda staring off into space a bit. But I couldn’t stop thinking about last night. I mean- In general. Like- I had a good time with you. And everyone else.”   
I couldn’t help but laugh at his flustered state, which I rarely got to see. But it was cute to see him this way. But then other things came to mind when I thought of last night. I thought about me cuddling with Duff in bed last night and our kiss. But then it also raised the memory of Izzy and I kissing and how Duff doesn’t know about it yet, but Axl does. God, things are gonna get spun out of control, aren’t they?  
“Me too. I- I did too,” I respond.   
We were both quiet for a few minutes with the chatter in the other room fading away as our gazes locked for what seemed like an eternity. I didn’t want to look away, never. “Rose, since neither of us has anything to do, do you wanna come into the other room with us? You know, hang out,” he offered, holding a hand out to me.   
He smiles at me and leans into me. Taking the hint, I leaned in for a kiss and he wrapped me in his arms, and I was so lost in the kiss. It was as if the world was melting around us.  
Afterward, I took his hand and the warmth from his hand spread throughout my entire body. A blush also spread across my cheeks, making them look a rosy-pink color. However, he lets go of my hand when he notices that other people require his attention. You know, the guys making edits and all that stuff. Of course, I let him go off to wherever he needs to be, which left me to sit on a stool at the edge of the room.   
“Hey, Rose…” Izzy muttered from beside me.   
I snap my head to face him and smile. “Hey… Uh- What’s up?” I ask nonchalantly. Well, not really.   
He laughs at me, clearly better at keeping a secret than I can. “Looks like you’re holding up well. I can totally tell.”   
I lightly shove him in the arm and hide a smile.   
“Did Duff really leave you by yourself? I’m surprised,” he adds.   
“Oh, you must be so glad about that huh?” I continue with a knowing grin.   
That comment sure took him by surprise, his sunglasses hiding his expression for the most part. It made me laugh at how embarrassed he got. Izzy shuffled in his place a bit, and his confident exposition before was long gone now as if I had resurfaced his feelings for me.   
Then that’s when I noticed that Duff wasn’t in the room with us. He was no longer with the guys who he was originally talking with and working with to my surprise. Naturally, I got a little curious as to who he could be talking to. I mean, all the guys are here with us.   
“You know… I-” Izzy lowered his voice to a whisper. “I don’t want to be just friends with you. But… I know that you and Duff have something going on, and I know that he left to talk to Mandy a bit ago. And… I think he’s breaking up with her. I’m glad for you but like-”   
I placed a consoling hand on his arm which startled him a little. He was leaning towards me as he stood against the wall which, in my research, was a sure-fire sign that he was into me. God, I knew that he liked me a lot. But the amount that he likes me, I like Duff that same amount. Izzy’s a great friend to me. But it shocked me a bit to hear him say that he wanted to be more than friends with me.   
The moment I saw Duff coming back inside the studio, he didn’t come back with Mandy. She must’ve left. But even though my face was smiling and happy to see Duff again, his face wasn’t the same. It was almost a mixture of anger and sadness. Oh god, oh god…   
“I need to talk to Rose for a second,” Duff states, no emotion in his voice. With that, I followed him directly outside the door.   
“How long was this going on, Rose?” he asked me, the anger burning in his voice.   
“I- What- What’re you talking about?” My eyes were getting smaller by the second with fear as I looked deeper into his eyes which burned with sadness and anger the more time went by.   
“Mandy just told me about you and Izzy,” he adds.   
“That we’re just friends? Whatever she told you was probably wrong information,” I reassured him with a soothing hand on his arm to which he immediately pulled it away. It was then when I felt my heart drop like a rock falling down a bottomless pit.   
“I learned about your secret relationship with Izzy. And that secret kiss during the Seven Minutes in Heaven game that you told Axl about and not me, by the way. And the amount of time he talks to you and hangs out with you just confirm it. Oh, and how he was practically leaning against you earlier when I was away. How long, Rose? How. Long?” Duff raged.   
His face showed that he was so angry and that made me so sad to think that not only was he mad, but he was so sad like he actually liked me a lot and this was like cheating to him.   
“I was gonna break up with Mandy for you and-”   
“But when? You’ve always said you would or hinted at it but never did! And I-” He cuts me off in the same way that I did to him.   
“Look. I’m done. And as for us? I don’t know anymore. Just… I need space and I may even reconsider my relationship with Mandy,” Duff adds in a huff.   
Just as he opens the door and tears start rolling down my face like a leaky faucet, I cry, “No, please! Don’t walk away… I don’t want to lose you.”   
And there I was. I was left sitting there in the hallway with the door still slightly ajar and I was trying my best to muffle my cries so I wouldn’t disturb anybody. But, oh god, now was the time I needed him the most. That I needed anybody to talk to.   
My hands were wrapped tightly around my knees with my forehead resting on the tops of my knees. My shoulders shook as I let my muffled cries out. It was then I felt someone beside me and placed a soothing hand on my shoulder. I didn’t dare look up just yet because I both wanted to be alone and be with someone.   
“Rose…” It was Izzy, and I knew that voice anywhere.   
I lifted my head only a bit, resting the left side of my head on my knees so I could still see Izzy. “Are you sure you want to be with me right now? Duff might get more mad…” I trail off, trying so hard to hold in more tears.   
“It’s okay… We heard everything and- I’m so sorry, Rose. I knew that you liked him so much and- Oh god, that’s terrible,” he whispers.   
Then and there I broke down and cried because I couldn’t keep it in anymore. He enveloped me in a hug as we both still sat on the floor. “Hey, it’s alright. I won’t let you go.”   
For some reason, I felt like everything was my fault and that I was the reason Duff practically hates me now. However, our hug went on for a good couple of minutes before I had the courage to say something.   
“Izzy, can I tell you something?” I implore.   
He smiles sweetly at me, his sunglasses still on his face. “Anything.”   
I had to think if I wanted to say anything to him about what I was going to say. Did I want to say anything about this? Or would it make matters worse? “When we kissed last night… I kept telling myself that I didn’t feel anything from it even though I kept on letting it happen. But- Well the truth is, I did feel something. It’s just that, I know it wasn’t nothing but I’m not sure if it was the attraction that I felt.”   
I wanted to keep my voice down. I didn’t want to make matters worse with me and Duff, but how could they have gotten worse? He hates me now and we’ll probably never date or anything. I knew deep down that it was Mandy’s fault, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I did it.   
I look up at Izzy imploringly to see what he had to say or what advice he had to give. Nothing quite yet it seemed. “Look, after work you can hang with me and we can talk about it then. Stay as long as you like, or leave. But… If it comes to it, I’ll always be here for you. But if your heart belongs with Duff then I won’t stand in the way of that.”   
And with a final smile, I nod my head agreeing yes.


	9. Chapter 9

After Izzy and I talked, we both headed back into the studio to be with everyone else. Well, except for Duff. I loved Duff to pieces, but I knew that he didn’t want to be around me right now and that I especially didn’t want to be around Izzy because it would raise more suspicions with Duff. However, with these new feelings and emotions coming up, I feel as though my whole world was turned upside down from a night that I thought was the most fun I’d had in ages. It just caused problems between Duff and me, and I hated that we weren’t talking. I always love it when we talk and I get the butterflies in my stomach, and I still do even though he’s angry at me.   
I sat at the same stool I was before Duff came inside the room and everything changed for the worst. I was alone literally and emotionally. Sort of. I had Izzy, which I still don’t know where we lie just yet, but I think we’re figuring that part of our friendship out. It wasn’t the same watching Duff as before because whenever I look at him now I’m reminded of what once was and what could’ve been.   
Everyone was busy doing something while I wasn’t. No one gave me the assignment to work on, so why should I do anything except sulk? My eyes averted to where Duff was and he was talking normally with Steven and Slash while Izzy was talking with Axl at least a yard or so away. My arms were crossed against my chest, my back slouching in the stool against the wall. My vision wasn’t quite clear because I was zoning out and staring at the floor.   
Just as about a minute passed, I felt someone, and I knew who, looking at me. My suspicions were confirmed as I saw Izzy glancing at me from across the room, his arms also mimicking my arms being folded across my chest. I wanted so badly to be talking to him because he was the only source of support I had that I knew I can count on. I do have other friends, but Izzy was the only one who made it clear to me.   
However, it began to get stranger when Axl glanced my way too as if they were both talking to me. That's when I decided to look away, hiding a smile with my hand on my mouth. Two sets of footsteps clattered against the floor beneath and I knew that it must be Axl and Izzy. So they were talking about me then!   
“Hey, Rose, I heard about what happened. And I’m sorry,” he stops to make sure no one was watching with a small turn of his head, scanning the room. “I know that you liked him a lot and that he liked you too.”   
I gave him a small grateful smile, still zoned out a bit. I was in a weird sort of mood as if every ounce of energy I had in my body this morning was zapped out of me somehow.   
“We- I thought that we could give you some company together. You seemed just-” Izzy stopped as I was about to speak.   
“Alone? Yeah. I just feel tired all of a sudden,” I add with my chin resting in the palm of my hand. As if on instinct, I saw that Izzy’s jacket collar was uneven and wonky looking so I reached my hand up to fix it without even thinking about it. I saw that it gave him a smile and a laugh.   
“How do you feel about GnR Lies, Rose?” Axl asks me pointedly.   
That’s what brought me out of my zoned-out trance because it gave me a chance to think. “Well, I like it. Especially that song you wrote, Izzy. ‘Patience’,” I comment, a small smile developing on my lips.   
“I’m glad you do…” he muttered. 

*** 

I was so glad that the end of the day came and that I would be able to calm down finally at Izzy’s house.   
I walked with him outside to the parking lot towards his… Motorcycle? God, I didn’t know he owned one. Not that I minded at all. The black coating on the motorcycle shone in the sunlight, almost blinding.   
“We’re riding home on my motorcycle,” he states, holding a helmet in his hand.   
I couldn’t stop a blush from rising and heating my face like a radiator. As I was about to grab the helmet, Izzy places it on my head while moving a piece of hair out of my face with a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. “There, now you’ll be safe…” he told me while trailing off. “You’ll have to hold on to me too.”   
A pit of anxiety formed in the depths of my stomach as I saw Izzy climb onto the seat of the motorcycle, his feet resting on the little metal parts. His facial expression was just asking me without words to join him on the seat. And, without words, I did.   
“Have you ridden one before?” he asks pointedly.   
I laugh nervously and reply, “No. They’re scary. Do I just- Just hold on to your shoulders?”   
In response, he chuckles and shakes his head. “You have to get closer than that to be safe.” Without hesitation, he grabs my hands and wraps them around his waist which sends a chill down my spine. I can tell that he’s grinning even if I can’t see his face or eyes because of his sunglasses. Looking behind me, to my surprise, I see Duff looking in my direction and smiling, waving at me as if nothing had happened. Maybe he’s not really mad at me and just sad because he believed everything Mandy told him. And, in his defense, Izzy and I were acting a lot more flirty since he confessed to me and I was almost to the point of confessing to him. I think because I don’t know what I feel. It was just natural, I guess.   
The engine revs, and I feel the rumbling from the engine below me. I proceeded to hold on tighter to Izzy’s waist, and I rested my chin on his shoulder.   
He takes off from the parking lot, and it was just as fucking scary as I thought. We were going so fast and if I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought that he was doing it on purpose too. I can feel the ends of his hair against my face, and it feels soft to my surprise.   
My mind drifted to Duff and our many memories in the short time we’ve known each other, even though I still felt myself holding tightly onto Izzy as we glided through the streets. I remembered the first time we met and how Izzy had to get me to go over there because Duff was too shy to ask me himself. And I remembered the first time I heard ‘Patience’ being played for me too and how I felt so much love from Duff as I kept on looking at him during that performance. My heart began to flutter from all these memories which aroused so many feelings and emotions.   
As I began to be brave enough to look around, I saw people looking at us. Some amazed that they’re seeing a member of Guns n Roses and some wondering who this girl is and why is she so close to him? Well, I’m thinking the same thing for the last question, if I’m honest. My mind is confused about what I feel for him and how I feel. Is it because I’m attracted to his looks or because he confessed to me first, or possibly because he kissed me twice in one day. I hadn’t considered that these were real feelings like the ones I had for Duff, and I still hadn’t and only my subconscious had thought of that as well.   
We approached his house, and I was still holding onto him tightly even as we pulled into the driveway. It just felt… comfortable I guess. I don’t know.   
His house entered right into a living room kind of space which had a TV, a couch and a few chairs, and a coffee table. It felt nice and cozy, to be honest. I immediately flopped down on his couch and, with a sly grin, pulled him onto the couch with which he fell onto it. I laughed at him as he was sprawled out on the couch from me pulling him towards it.   
“You did that on purpose then?” he joked with a laugh too.   
“How else was I supposed to get you to sit on the couch?”   
A few scattered laughs and grins later, and we were in silence again. He looked at me with such affection that you’d think that we were the only people on Earth. He promptly started to play with my hair as we continued to sit in comfortable silence, his fingers running through my hair and a small, shy grin tugging at his lips.   
“You like playing with my hair, huh?” I remark slyly.   
“You have nice hair, that’s all,” Izzy continued.   
I had only noticed just now that his eyes were a pretty green color which went nicely with his dark brown hair and that he had a nose ring which he would wear occasionally. It was only now that we’ve gotten closer that it was as if I’m now looking at him under a microscope whereas before I would only know what I saw on the outside. It was nice to get to know him. The bad boy side of him, his flirty side, his quiet side, and every other.   
For a moment, he stopped playing with my hair and started to bring my face closer to his, a smirk forming on his lips. Then for the third time, we were kissing again, except it felt different this time now that I was self-aware rather than confused. Well, sort of. His hand was on the back of my neck and the other hand placed gently on my knee.   
My face began to blush a rosy color, and I knew that Izzy knew that too from a slight smile that began to form on his lips. “Do I make you blush? Because your face just got a lot warmer… And the same thing happened earlier on the bike because I felt you get warmer from holding onto my that tightly.”   
I giggle slightly, my face still holding a blush that tinted my cheeks pink. “Maybe… But where’s the fun in telling?”   
However as we were about to continue our kiss, I decided to place my hand on his chest and push him away slightly as if I was aware of what was going on. “I- We really shouldn’t be…” I add, trailing off.   
His eyes begin to look more serious like he’s starting to get worried about me. His eyes search mine for the real reason I want to stop. Is it because my heart still belongs to Duff, or is it because I’m not ready for this yet? Maybe a different reason that I don’t even know yet? No words were spoken, but he somehow was still able to convince me again.   
So we began kissing again and I accidentally let a small moan slip, barely audible but he was able to hear it, and I knew because he started to laugh. “That good, huh?”   
“Shut the hell up, I’m having a good time with you,” I return in a jokingly snarky attitude. 

*** 

Soon enough, the day turned to night, and Izzy and I were sitting on the couch watching some TV. I’m not gonna lie, I was getting pretty tired at this point and I was having such a great time with him too.   
The TV in the background was becoming fainter and fainter as my eyes began to flutter close like heavy curtains. Soon enough, my eyes were closed and I felt my head slowly fall against Izzy’s shoulder. A warm hand slid onto my shoulder and squeezed it tightly, and Izzy brought his lips to my temple. A sleepy smile formed on my lips as I started to drift asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

It’s been at least a week since our fight. Izzy and I have been spending more time together because he’s the only one that I feel like can console me. However, I’ve kept on thinking. Thinking about him. Duff McKagan. I still missed him so much. I never wanted to hurt him, intentionally or unintentionally. I just want to go back and change everything and go back to the way it was. Me and Duff so madly in love, it seemed, and there was nothing else that mattered to me. To us. This pit of anxiety formed in my stomach as these thoughts grew more prominent with every passing second.   
But do I really regret everything I’ve ever done with Izzy? That’s the real question looming over me in my mind at the moment. Do I regret kissing him and spending so much time with him over the time we’ve known each other? Honestly, I’m still not sure of the answer myself. But I just wanted to see Duff one more time and see his smile again.   
I had soon realized that I was still holding onto Izzy on the back of his motorcycle riding to work with the wind in our hair. He’s been driving me to work ever since that day. I haven’t been in the right mindset it seems. But he was my friend, my best friend if anything, and I thought I had feelings for him. Well, I still do. There’s no denying that I feel something for Izzy without a doubt in my mind. But it was only unleashed when Duff and I had our fight. Everything had become so real for Duff and me, and I kept on wondering if everything was falling into place like it was always supposed to.   
That’s when we arrived in the parking lot. No one was in the parking lot, and I hadn’t seen Duff’s car yet. My hands were trembling because I knew that everything was going to get more complicated for me. For us. For everybody.   
“You okay?” he asks with a worried expression.   
I put on a smile to convince him, and maybe myself, that everything was fine and dandy. “Yeah, I’m good.”   
As we walked inside, things felt different from the way I felt last night. I was at the moment I guess I could say. Why were things changed? How come I felt different than I have been over the past couple of days? It’s just that, even though everything I’ve been through, I can’t forget that one night. The party. The kiss. It was as if that moment was when everything changed. I recognized something that may have always been there.   
So you can say that I was a little distracted. How can I not be? I have a lot to think about and a lot to take into consideration with a lot of questions for myself to answer and no clues onto what those answers would be.   
There were only a few people in the studio this morning, and still no Duff. Of course, I was hoping that, like in movies or books, we see each other and everything will be fine again. Our gazes will meet from across the room and he engulfs me in his arms and it’s like a happily ever after.   
GNR Lies has been released to the public and, so far, has been a hit with the public and the fans. Especially my song. ‘Patience’. Whenever I hear that song, I can only think of Duff. After all, it was written about us. God those were simpler times. Izzy, Axl, Steven, and I were all here and waiting for Duff and Slash to get here. However, I kept on thinking and thinking about possible ‘what-ifs’ and worst-case scenarios. It ate away slowly at my brain like a parasite or a leech. It felt like I was going crazy with anxiety. But I made sure to make it look like I was fine on the outside. It’s both a blessing and a curse.   
The door opens with two sets of footsteps coming in through the door. It was the moment I was waiting forever since, well, this morning. It seemed like an eternity since that night Izzy and I spent that night. But I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut about that night and any other. I hoped that Izzy felt the same way. After all, it was my fault that Duff and I fought that day. Mandy was listening in on Axl and I talking, and I knew that it wasn’t a good idea. Perhaps it was good at the time because that secret was eating away my insides similar to how I’m feeling right now.   
Slash walked in first and headed right in towards the belly of the beast. And then Duff walked in and my eyes immediately looked to him in hopes that everything would be okay and everything would fall into place. He would see me and fall back in love with me.   
He looked at me, and his eyes shone under the ceiling light. My eyes were filled with hope and worry as I looked at Duff. He was stopped for only a second before he kept on walking inside of the room. My fantasy, my hopes, were crushed. He was still upset at me. My heart started to shatter into a million pieces as I realized that not everything was going to magically be solved for me. But what was I going to do? What could I do? He was so set in his beliefs that Izzy and I were in a secret relationship that he’s blindsided by the truth. Maybe I was so naive that I couldn’t possibly fathom that I have to fix it myself instead of him miraculously realizing that he was wrong. The world doesn’t work like that except in movies.   
I swear I could hear my heartbreaking and shattering like a glass figurine, the small pieces being scattered every which way. Not everything was as wonderful as I thought it was going to be today. The world wasn’t going to fix itself for me just for the sake of it.   
However, that’s when I knew I had to take matters into my own hands if I wanted everything to be okay again. I needed to talk to him again. Whether I was being stupid or smart I couldn’t tell anymore. But I went with what my guy was telling me, even if it might have been the wrong decision.   
I was a nervous-wreck approaching him, and it felt daunting. I was scared. But I knew I had to do this. Maybe it would help or maybe I wouldn’t. I only hoped that it would help inexplicably. “Duff… I think we need to talk. In my office?” I suggest, my voice low and hopeful.   
“Sure,” he replies.   
So, with that, both of us headed inside my office. Behind us, I closed the door for a little more privacy. We were both in silence for a bit as if neither of us knew what to say.   
“Look- I’m sorry about what happened. I-” I was cut off by my own thoughts. Sitting in my desk chair, my hands were around the back of my neck as I started to worry more and more. “I never wanted to hurt you, Duff. I promise! I just want to go back to how we were…” I let out a few choked sobs in the meantime, trying my hardest to muffle them simultaneously.   
“But… Things aren’t like how they were. I was just so hurt by what Mandy told me. I couldn’t believe it because I thought we were gonna end up together someday soon,” he revealed, the hurt in his eyes showing now more than ever.   
“I- I didn’t know. I kept telling myself that he’s never doing it. You kept promising and not doing anything, so I started to get worried and I panicked,” I paused, finally realizing something. “Do you want to know the real truth? Even if you don’t believe it…”   
He nods wordlessly with a small smile playing on his lips.   
“That night at the party was the first time we’ve ever kissed. I hadn’t realized that he liked me at all. But then we played Seven Minutes in Heaven and then he kissed me again. It was then when I think I started to have feelings for him too. But I still liked you at the same time. We were never in a secret relationship.”   
“Never?” he asks hopefully.   
I smile back at him with tears glimmering in my eyes. “Never. I couldn’t do that to you. Sure… He- We had some good times. Like I won’t lie anymore. We kissed each other more after that night and I was so swept at the moment. But… I kept thinking about you the whole time. Even if I didn’t realize it.”   
At the moment when his smile was the biggest, that was when it faded away. My heart dropped and sank a million miles deep it seemed. “I- Thank you for saying that and it does make me feel better.”   
“But…?” I add painstakingly.   
“But I’m still more sure anymore because it sure looked like you and Izzy were having a good time that afternoon you left with him. So… I still need to think about it.” Duff replied, his tone sad, yet so sure of himself.   
It was almost painful how much I had to keep from letting myself cry again. But I had no feeling like those words were the key to switching off my emotions. “Please… I can’t do this again. I don’t want to go through this again…” I pleaded quietly.   
He brought me into a hug as if trying to console me. “I’m sorry.”   
I was left sitting in my office. Alone. Bitterly alone and sad.


	11. Chapter 11

Sometimes life happens and messes everything up for a second time, which is more terrifying than the first. I never thought that things could get worse. However, there was still a small, glimmering ray of shining light in my dim little world with a dark layer of thick clouds over it that seemed to shine through even the thickest of clouds. However, it still felt as though my world was falling apart. I had tried to fix things with the gut feeling that everything would be okay again. My mind couldn’t grasp the concept that not everything would be the same as it was before.   
I had no reason to be at work today or anytime soon, so, in response, I stayed home like a hermit. No one was giving me anything to do and it would be far too depressing with Duff there as well, even if Izzy was there too. All I would do there anyhow is sit in a corner waiting for someone to talk to me and not act awkward, which wasn’t possible anyway.   
My days were composed of the same things. Wake up, aimlessly staring at the television on some random channel that I wouldn’t even listen to until I was hungry, eat breakfast, then sit around with nowhere to go. Yup, I definitely sit around feeling sorry for myself, but we’re all a world full of broken people and I deserve time to heal and this is my way of healing. No problem at all with that unless I take it too far and completely isolate myself from the world and my closest friends.   
I was able to convince myself that Izzy was far too busy to come over and hang out with me or talk to me or that he had given up on trying to cheer me up. Honestly? I felt bad that I was still thinking about Duff even when I was with Izzy. But he was the only one that wanted to be with me and cheer me up. God, I wanted him here so bad.   
I glanced over at the door as if he was miraculously going to come at the door like in some cheesy rom-com movie. Things like that don’t happen in real life, and I’m willing to accept that as real life.   
I loved how Izzy’s expressions were always so serious, especially underneath his iconic sunglasses, but I liked how it softened slightly when he looked at me. Like the way he looks at me is different than the way he looks at any other girl, which makes me feel so special. Even if the whole world labeled him as quiet or uncaring, I knew that the other side to him that no one else knew.   
My arms were wrapped around me like a straitjacket constraining me so tightly that I almost couldn’t breathe. However, it also felt comforting as if I was telling myself that things were going to be okay in some way, shape, or form in some time or another. After all, I always manage to survive everything in some way or another. 

*** 

It felt like hours had passed by on the clock on the wall but, truth-be-told, I had no idea what time it was or how much time had passed since morning, but I didn’t care anymore. The days blurred together anyways. I mean, life was more planned-out when I had a job to go to, but I had no real reason to be going anywhere. Plenty of food here at home and I had things to keep me entertained. Sort of.   
That’s when I heard the door opening. It took me by surprise because I hadn’t had any real contact with anybody in God knows how long. The sunlight poured into the room like a dam had flooded an entire town. The sunlight felt warm on my face and I forgot how nice warm sunlight felt on my face and I was starting to regret shutting the world out.   
Things hit differently when I saw who was standing in the doorway waiting for me. It was who I expected it to be and who I wanted it to be most right now.   
“Rose… Haven’t seen you in a while,” Izzy comments with a rueful smile. He and his sense of humor.   
“I- Izzy- What’re you doing here?” I gasp, almost as if I don’t know how to respond.   
For a few seconds, he doesn’t speak to me at all. All he does is come in, closing the door behind him, and opens a few blinds. My first instinct is to cover my eyes from the bright light flooding inside the room. Then all he did was sit next to me and place a consoling hand on my shoulder.   
“I’m here,” he whispers. “You can talk to me or not, but I’m here for you.” That was all he said, but it was powerful and hit home.   
It was then when the reality of the situation and what I was doing dawned on me like a morning sunrise. I knew what I had done and how it affected me and, well, I didn’t know what I had to do yet. How could I when I don’t even know how to fix the whole problem? I didn’t even know yet if I wanted to talk yet at all, but I knew that he was okay with that. It was just nice to know that he was there for me no matter what even when no one else seemed to be.   
I engulfed him in a hug which was the only thing that felt right. I didn’t know what to say or how I even felt at the moment, but hugging Izzy seemed to relieve any immediate stress I had. I felt it melting away like a glacier in the summertime and diminishing in the vast oceans. His hands placed on my back felt warm and comforting to me and I knew I saw love deeply hidden in his eyes moments before I wrapped myself around him in a hug.   
“I got you, and I’m always here for you…” he murmurs into my ear, sending a shiver down my spine and made the hairs on my arms stand up.   
The words that I desperately wanted to say were caught in my throat like fish caught in a fishing net. I knew what I wanted to say but it was as if I didn’t know how to get it out or how to say it properly. So, I took a deep breath inwards before letting go of our hug.   
“I’m-I’m ready to talk now…” I whisper softly, gazing into his eyes for only a moment before looking away. With a nod and a caring smile, he looks intently at me with curious eyes.   
“If I’m honest, I don’t really know how to get this out… But I’m trying,” I pause before continuing. “I tried to talk to Duff the last day I was at work to fix things between us. I wanted to try to understand what he felt and help him understand what I was feeling. And I guess that worked. Kinda. I’m not so sure anymore. But he went on to say that he wasn’t so sure anymore about me and him. Together. It just- It destroyed me and the only way I knew how to cope with the pain was to isolate myself from anyone and everyone.”   
Izzy brought me to him so that my head was resting on his shoulder and his arms were wrapped around my waist. “I’m so sorry that happened to you. I know that I don’t know how you’re feeling right now. To try to fix everything but have everything fall apart anyways…”   
“You being here helps me tremendously. You don’t even know…” I mutter with a small smile, a blush creeping to my cheeks.   
“I- I know that he was the best thing that ever happened to you…” he whispered. For a moment, what Izzy said hit me hard like a ton of bricks to my chest at fifty miles per hour. It only made me want to embrace him tighter.   
We both sat there on my couch in comfortable silence, both having smiles upon our faces. Neither of us knew what to say or what to do. However, I liked being this way anyways.   
However, interrupting our silence, he brought us closer and into a kiss, closing the small gap between us. I felt as though the world around us was melting away like icing dripping on a cake. Then it felt like we were the only people on Earth right now. No other people, no drama, nothing. Just me and him, and… maybe I liked it that way.   
But the more I thought about how Duff felt later on in the day, I made more sense of things than I had before. I knew that he wanted to care for me and care for my feelings, he wanted to care so badly, but there was this gap between what he felt and what he wanted to feel where something important had been carved out. And it was growing.   
The thought ran through my mind a dozen times: Does he love me? God, I don’t like the word hope very much. In fact, I hate it. It’s the crystal meth of emotions. It hooks you fast and kills you hard. It’s bad news. The worst. It’s sharp sticks and cherry bombs. When hope shows up, it’s only a matter of time before somebody gets hurt, whether it’s me doesn’t matter anymore, because hope consists only of false confidence and insecurity.   
He may have loved me once upon a time when circumstances were different and, well, generally happier. But not now. He couldn’t possibly after what he believes about me even when I did explain the real situation to him.   
What doesn’t help is that I really do like Izzy now. I’m stuck in this crazy love triangle that seemed to only be a thing in romance movies and books. Never in my life did I think that this kind of thing would happen to me at this time in my life. However, everything looks strange to me now, as if I don’t really belong or that something’s off. It may be me that’s out of place in some form or another. And the worst thing is, I can’t find who or what is out of place.


	12. Chapter 12

A couple of months passed into the new year and, eventually, into February 1989. With time, I’ve been able to heal enough to go back into work. And partially because I needed to go back anyhow. We were all planning on filming a music video for “Patience” and that I would have a part in the video, a small one but still. None of the fans know that “Patience” is my song. It was written about me and Duff, or maybe as a tribute to Izzy’s feelings to me. Possibly both at the same time. Well, I’m not so sure anymore.   
I thought more about the song and what it really meant. Izzy wanted me to know that he just needed to be patient for me. He’s waiting for me, even if I choose to go with Duff instead of him. It struck me in the heart to know how much he felt for me and that I couldn’t give all my love to him with all my heart because it’s divided so evenly between Duff and Izzy, if not more for Duff. It was one of those things that you can’t rush because you can’t speed up the time no matter how tense you feel. 

*** 

It was decided by the band and the producers and directors of the music video that the date of filming would be Valentine’s Day. Just my luck. Oh, the irony, thou art a heartless bitch. Of course, it’s not like it’ll even matter that it’s Valentine’s Day anyway because I have no one really to spend it with besides two friends that I happen to like a lot.   
I wouldn’t say love at all. It’s not that it’s a strong word to use for people who’ve known each other for four months, but that I can’t possibly know when my heart’s so all over the place with emotions. I’ve always defined love as the person who you look for in a crowd. The flaw in that theory is that I would look for both Duff and Izzy in a crowd or when I first enter a room. But none of that matters anymore. Today’s all about filming “Patience”, even if the song connected to it has deep emotional bonds to me and two certain people. All I have to do is push those emotions aside for now and act as if everything’s normal. Easy right? … Right…?   
The directors and producers of the music video decided that they would record in two places: The Record Plant and the Ambassador Hotel. Some parts are to be recorded in a studio, not ours though, and some are to be filmed in a hotel and the only reason why the Ambassador Hotel was chosen is that it’s scheduled for demolition and is inoperative right now. Lucky us, right?   
My tasks are simple: If someone needs help, go and help them with whatever they need, whether it be a director, band member, or the producer. Maybe I notice that something that needs to be done, and then there I go. The whole concept, kind of, of the video, is that the guys are in the hotel and they’re the only constant images, and all the other people are there for a moment before fading away.   
My favorite part of filming is the very beginning where I get to watch Duff do the countdown to the song, which makes me heart jump and sing every time I think about it. If I get lucky, I’ll be able to just ‘supervise’ the filming and stare at Duff the entire time because I girl can be able to daydream, can’t she?   
I was snapped out of my thought-like trance when someone was calling my name and wanting to give me a task. “Hey, Rose, can you go over to the guys and check to see if they’re ready for filming?” Nigel Dick, the director, asked.   
I couldn’t say no now could I? Of course, I noticed right away that Duff and Izzy were looking at me since they heard Nigel giving me my task. My heart fluttered like a bird being set free from a cage. I couldn’t help but go straight over to Duff to check him first.   
I noticed, though, that he was wearing a black tank top which showed off his arms and his tattoo, making my heart melt into a happy little puddle. That’s when I began to notice how attractive Duff was looking at this moment in time in particular. Sure, I promised myself that I wouldn’t let anything get in the way of my doing my job today. I lied. How could I? Duff was looking so cute, especially how he was looking at me.   
“Looking good to me…” I commented in a low whisper, trying not to make it too obvious that I was getting distracted.   
Snickering, Slash added, “I bet Rose thinks that Duff always looks good.” More snickering and laughter from behind me, obviously by Slash and Steven.   
A mad blush arose on my cheeks as I shuffled away to the next. Izzy was next. Not that I’m complaining though. He was wearing a red shirt with a sort of multi-colored scarf on with sunglasses and a black hat covering the majority of his face. I caught myself staring again, admittedly, and I knew that everyone noticed too. Axl… Steven… Slash… Even Duff and Izzy noticed too. God, am I letting two guys confuse the way I really feel? The way I felt about Izzy was that we were like parallel lines: close but never together.   
I snapped myself out of my trance and moved on to the other three guys of the band. If I were to choose, I’d want to spend my whole time just kind of… maybe… staring at Duff and Izzy. Because right now that feels like all I can do without upsetting anybody, and even then. The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do wasn’t finish my school education or anything physical, but it’s grieving the loss of a person who is still alive and who may not come back to you any time soon.   
My hands shook and trembled like a mini-earthquake as I returned to the back of the room behind the cameras. My stomach was doing flips while simultaneously feeling like it was in an impossible knot that I could never untie. I have to admit that I was trying to block anything from letting me get distracted today because it’s the first music video that I’ve ever worked on. But with so many distracting factors, I guess you could call them, I can’t focus if I tried. I feel personally attacked by so many different emotions for two different people as if a war was going on in my brain. Silent on the outside, but so many things going on on the inside.   
“Okay… We’re starting in three, two,” the director said, mouthing the word one as the camera started.   
Duff starts off with counting off, as he does in the song. It makes my heart leap and flip like a gymnast in the Olympics trying to win the gold medal.   
We’ve moved on from filming in the studio to now filming at the Hotel and shooting those scenes. But I was interrupted when Nigel approached me with something on his mind because it was written all over his face as if it were written in permanent marker. “Rose, could you just sit on this couch in this scene for me please?”   
I was taken aback at his request for me to be in the video. Even if it were just for a moment or two, it was a big deal. The question now is why. Why? The scene in the video is where you see two girls sitting on a couch talking and laughing and then the camera pans to see Steven sitting on the same couch a few feet away from the two girls. I’m the girl on the right.   
“Sure, but why do you want me in the video?” I ask painstakingly.   
He laughs as if it were clearly obvious. Maybe it was and I'm just that ignorant. “Oh, well, Duff requested that you be in the video, even if it were for a little part. He practically told me to put you in somehow,” Nigel returns.   
My heart skipped a beat or two at his answer. Duff… He asked for me to be in the video? It touched me so much in the heart because I knew that he still cared about me, but hurt still to know that we weren’t okay still and he believed that stupid damn rumor about me spread by some bitch.   
With a blush rising to my cheeks, I nodded and sat next to this lady. She had red, curly/wavy hair that was clearly in the big, 80s fashion. “So, how do you know the band?” she asks.   
I chuckle a bit. “I’m an assistant. But let’s just say that… I’m friends with the members.”   
Nodding along, it was as if she knew something was wrong with what I said. Okay, so I lied a bit. I like to call it stretching the truth because it isn’t her damn business to know.   
“Really?” she adds, raising an eyebrow.   
I sign, exasperated. “Well, Duff and I have had a thing going on but were never official. But… we had a fight so I don’t know where we’re at. And Izzy and I, we’ve kissed a few times but have never been official. I just don’t know where I stand honestly,” I replied with a chuckle and made a joke out of my terrible situation.   
She laughs too. “Most fans would die to be in your situation, you know.”  
“Yeah… I guess. I’m Rose by the way. How about you?” I ask, attempting to get to know her.   
“Oh, I’m Wendy. We could continue to get to know each other more after the video too if you’d like. You know, to be friends maybe?” Wendy suggested with a hopeful disposition.   
I smile brightly. “I’d like that, but I think we’re starting soon.” 

*** 

The shooting was done for the day. Thankfully. I was caught alone as if I were in the middle of some romance movie and something was about to happen, which I could feel that it was. I didn’t know what, but it’s bound to happen and what am I going to do about it? Nothing except let it happen.   
“Rose,” Izzy says from behind me. His voice causes me to blush and my eyes to go wide with surprise as I whip my head around to see him.   
“Izzy! I didn’t see you there… I- What’s up?” I questioned, acting as normal as I could even though my emotions were running wild.   
“You thought I forgot that it was Valentine’s Day? Even if we’re not official… Yet… I wanted to wish you a happy Valentine’s Day, Rose,” he whispered, coming closer to me. He finally sealed the moment and closed the distance between us with a kiss.   
At first, I didn’t want anyone to be around to see this. But then my mind just slipped away for a bit. The moment was short and sweet, but then after it was over I immediately thought ‘Happy Valentine’s Day to me’ and had a giddy grin across my face.   
“I figured you’d enjoy that,” Izzy muttered, stifling a laugh.   
His laugh was contagious and I found myself laughing too. “Well, thank you. I did like that… But how do you feel about the video so far?”   
Chuckling, he returned, “I’m glad you were in it. Duff really does like you still. Can’t you tell? I mean goddamn. It’s so fucking obvious.”   
I raised an eyebrow at him. “Doesn’t seem like it to me. But why do you care anyway? Isn’t this the kind of situation where you have the chance to be with me finally because Duff and I’ve been in a fight?” Even if I appeared to be joking, I really wasn’t. My true emotions were slipping out with every word I spoke and with every blink of an eye.   
His eyes were serious within an instant. “You and Duff belong together, even if you do like me too. And if I like you a lot too. More than anything and more than I care to admit to anyone. But it’s especially hard when I have the chance but your heart belongs to two people at once.   
If you were truly over him, you’d be with me in a heartbeat and I know that. Hell, we’ve been close too, but you’re still thinking about Duff, right?” He stops himself, and I knew if he were to keep going that things would get heated really fast. I was about to cry too because I didn’t want what was happening with Duff and me to happen with me and Izzy. I couldn’t handle that.   
“Sorry… I just- I’ll see you later, Rose. Maybe you can wish Duff a Happy Valentine’s Day. I know you’d want to,” Izzy adds, whispering the last sentence.   
Then he walked away and left me more confused than ever. More emotional than ever too. I finally knew how he felt about this whole situation. I always thought that he was happy about all this. But this whole time he knew that I cared about Duff still even when I did care about Izzy and even went as far as to think that I belonged with him more. Did I really believe that too?


	13. Chapter 13

Painstakingly, I trudged back to the main area where everyone was. I almost wanted to avoid everyone and go out a different way, and I would have if I didn’t have stuff I needed to get in the main area. My mind was swimming and almost felt like it was drowning in thoughts because of what just happened. It all makes sense now… He was the embodiment of the phrase ‘if you love something, let it go’. It makes my heart just ache thinking about it too.   
The voices were getting with every footstep approaching the main area to the building, cameras littered in strategic places, and the wires following them on the floor in various ways. I should be here cleaning up because it’s my job, but do I really want to do it? No. Not really. However, if I want to make a good impression I should. I really should… I saw other people doing so many other things that I had no idea what I should do.   
Approaching Nigel, I began to ask, “What do I need to help with?”   
He greets me with a grateful smile and a nod. “You can start to clean up the cameras or something if you’d like,” he tells me before walking away to do something else.   
The task was almost daunting in my state of mind. In any other frame of mind, I would be ready to tackle anything; however, I was so stressed and my mind was occupied by other things and I couldn’t concentrate. I tried my best to block anything else out that might distract me.   
I saw Wendy on another side of the building, and she waved at me with a smile as she walked over to me. I managed to muster a smile in order to hide what I really felt. “Hey, Wendy, what are you up to?”   
“After you're finished here, do you want to hang out with me at my place?” she proposes. I mean, it would be nice to get to know her and talk with someone other than Guns n Roses.   
I didn’t need to think about it any longer because I knew what I needed, even if it wasn’t what I wanted. I needed to be with someone else other than Duff or Izzy or even Axl or Slash. I wanted to be alone and sulk while not really watching the TV. “Sure, I’ll only be a second…” I told her, getting back to work.   
I didn’t get a lot done because my eye was caught by Duff talking to Slash on the other opposite side of the room. I so wanted to talk with him, but I was afraid of talking to anyone else right now. Who would get the wrong idea? God, would he even want to talk to me? Ah, I’m over-thinking this whole thing, and I know that for a fact. But my brain automatically overthinks anything when I’m stressed out and stretched thin (emotionally).   
I decided that I had done enough for the time being and that everyone else would take care of it. Bad decision? Not really since I wasn’t getting a lot done anyway. But I did decide to go over to Duff and talk to him. I felt it in my gut that I needed to do it. The reasoning behind it I don’t even know.   
His head turns away from Slash as he sees me approaching him. Possibly to avoid the awkwardness that is going to come, Slash walks away with a wave and a goodbye. “Hey, Rose. I haven’t talked to you a lot today…” he mutters, hiding a grin.   
“Or in general. I just- I- Um, Happy Valentine’s Day to you. And Mandy. I… hope you’re gonna have a good day,” I stop and chuckle. “I know I have.”   
“You’re a crap liar. No, you haven’t. What happened?” He looked at me with such intensity that I almost couldn’t bear it. His eyes stared right into my soul it seemed and melted me right to my very core.   
“It’s nothing. Just- Izzy and I were talking and something he said got to me,” I admitted, leaving out literally every detail.   
There were a few seconds of all-consuming silence between us. It almost ate me alive inside. I could almost see… Jealousy inside of his eyes burning like a small campfire. His face showed nothing, but his eyes showed the smallest hint of what he truly felt on the inside. God, how I wanted to see what he was feeling.   
“I’m- Well, sorry that happened to you. But just to let you know... I know that if he did yell or appear to be mad at you, he’ll come back to you in the end. He likes you a hell of a lot. God, more than I’ve ever fucking seen him care for anybody,” Duff admits, cracking a smile. However, he leans in for a second and brings me in for a kiss that lasted only a second, but felt like forever and brought back so many memories of a seemingly simpler time. “A Valentine’s Day ‘gift’ of sorts. You’re welcome. Talk to you later, Rose.”  
I watched as he walked away, which left me thinking about what the hell just happened. He- I mean he kissed me. He hasn’t done that in ages it feels like. And on Valentine’s Day no less when he should be kissing his girlfriend not me. As much as it pains me to say that too.   
However, I found it interesting enough that both guys were convinced that the other one likes me a whole lot. Like heading towards being in love territory if they’re not already there. I don’t know what to think here. Has he accepted that Izzy and I might be actually dating because the facts are there, or is he just being supportive and internally jealous? God, I was so all over the place that I momentarily forgot about Wendy.   
“Ready, Rose?” she asks from behind.   
I was caught off guard by her and was transported back into the real world and out of my brain and thoughts, which is a dangerous place to be at times. I simply put on a smile and said, “Yup! Just- I got distracted.”   
“Oh, okay then! You can follow me in your car to my house,” Wendy returns as we head out to the parking lot.   
Silently, I nod and give her a smile as I drive behind her to her house. Funny, I’ve only met this woman and I have the urge to confide in her about what’s going on in my head. I know that I have Axl and Slash to talk to, but they’re way too close in relation to Duff and Izzy and I don’t want words and rumors to spread like last time I talked to Axl. I want to prevent as many misunderstandings as possible because it makes any situation more complicated than needed. With Wendy, I can talk to her and not worry about it because she doesn’t know the band personally. Thank god.   
We pulled up to her house, her car being pulled into the driveway and I decided prematurely to park alongside the curb in front of her house. Better safe than sorry. Her house had a cozy feeling to it as soon as I stepped outside to look at it. She lived a nice life, and I can tell from her house alone.   
As soon as we knew it, Wendy and I were sitting on her couch in the living room, looking at me intently as if she already knew that something was on my mind. How could anybody now know? I wasn’t exactly making it a secret either.   
“Alright, tell me what’s up with you, Rose,” Wendy states matter-of-factly.   
“Okay, it’s a roller coaster ride. So be prepared,” I pause and chuckle at my own joke. “So my head is kind of all over the place right now because I like both Duff and Izzy, and I know that they both like me back.   
Things got complicated when Mandy, Duff’s girlfriend, overheard me talking to Axl about a kiss that Izzy and I had during a game of Seven Minutes in Heaven. She went to talk to Duff about it and told him that Izzy and I were in a secret relationship behind Duff’s back. But here’s the thing: Duff was going to break up with Mandy for me so we could be official.   
That got shut down real quick because we got in a fight and… we stopped talking for a while. At that time, Izzy and I got real close. Not in a relationship, but not just friends either. We were kissing and acting really flirty around each other.   
However, I keep on thinking about Duff even when I have Izzy. I have the opportunity to be with Izzy at any moment. But my thing for Duff keeps me from that.”   
She takes a minute to take it all in, and I can’t blame her either. It’s a lot to take in and a lot to process too. All she could do for a hot second was looking at me with wide eyes and her mouth hanging open. She quickly fixed that and cleared her throat. “Woah, that’s- Wow. But then what happened earlier today?” she asks, clearly interested.   
“So Izzy went up to me after we were done with the video for the day. We were alone, so Izzy came up and kissed me and wished me a happy Valentine’s Day. Then after I asked him about the video, he went on to tell me about how much he knows Duff and I belong together even though he likes me so much. He said, and I quote, ‘You and Duff belong together, even if you do like me too. And if I like you a lot too. More than anything and more than I care to admit to anyone. But it’s especially hard when I have the chance but your heart belongs to two people at once. If you were truly over him, you’d be with me in a heartbeat and I know that. Hell, we’ve been close too, but you’re still thinking about Duff, right?’” I had to stop myself from talking about it for a second for fear I would cry or something. It’s things like crying in front of other people that make me uncomfortable. Well, especially people who I haven’t let down my barrier a lot, if at all.   
“Anyways, then he said that I should wish Duff a happy Valentine’s Day because ‘I know you’d want to’. And the funny thing is, I did. And Duff kissed me like Valentine’s gift of sorts. God, my life is like a bad drama/sitcom show. So… What do you think I should do?” I ask intently. Even though I don’t know her that well, I want her input from someone who isn’t directly involved in the situation.   
Her eyebrows were furrowed as if she were thinking really hard about what to say to me. Then she looked back up at me again, her face more relaxed and keeping eye contact with me. “In any normal situation where you like two people and don’t know who to choose, I’d say go for the second person you started to like. But the fact that you keep thinking of Duff and keep wanting to go after him makes me think that you should be with him and fix things. But, I can see the way you and Izzy act around each other. You’re made to be with both of those guys for different reasons. So… I’m sad to say that I don’t know. I think you are truly in the most complicated love-triangle situation I can think of.” 

*** 

The rest of the afternoon was us talking about each other, and not my current situation. But… She was right in all ways.   
I always tell myself that if you like two people, go for the second because that means you never really liked the first person anyways if you fell for the second. But… I keep thinking about Duff and wanting to be with him all at the same time. And I also want to be with Izzy too. They care for me a lot and maybe in love with me. I may feel the same way too.   
They’re both convinced that I’m made to be with the other guy and it makes it difficult to hear because I want them to say that they want to be with me. At the same time, I don’t want them to say that either because it would complicate the situation more.   
How I feel for Duff… Is it remorse? Lost Love? Or just loneliness? How I feel for Izzy… Is he just the transition guy until I finally am able to be with Duff? Or is it really that I want to be with him? Sometimes memories are the worst forms of torture there are, and I’m deciding to put myself through it.


	14. Chapter 14

It had been two years. Two years of being stuck between two worlds with no answers or clues as to what I wanted or what my path is destined to be. Is it going to be Duff or Izzy? However, I would find my answers sooner rather than later, I’d find.   
The date was November 7, 1991. Duff and I have been talking more recently, but still nothing about Mandy and Duff’s break-up. However, I can see why because of my uncertainty about where my feelings lie. Shit, I should have been able to sort them out by now. Two years is more than enough, but it was as if I couldn’t decide by myself. It would take something huge and unexpected to change things for me, but it doesn’t seem to be happening.   
Things with Izzy have been different too. He’s gotten sober, so no drugs and alcohol for him; but, I wonder what he’s thinking about since the other guys haven’t been sober. The thing is, Steven got so bad that his drug and alcohol problems were getting in the way of his drumming, and they fired him about a year ago. God, has it been that long? It feels a bit strange to not have him here even though we weren’t that close in friendship. However, Matt Sorum has been a good drummer as far as I could tell. I never get a chance to talk with him though because I’d much rather be talking to… other people.   
When I woke up this morning, I felt like something was going to be different. I don’t know how or why I feel like I do, but I just do. It’s like one of those gut feelings that you can’t explain or ignore but the worst part is not knowing what’s gonna happen. However, that one part of me is still hoping that what’s gonna happen is that Duff is gonna break up with Mandy for me, or that something between Izzy and me will happen that’s much more than a secret kiss or hanging out with him all night like maybe, just maybe, we’ll be more than friends who like each other. Even in wondering what will happen my heart is still split between two worlds, and it’s frustrating that way. But I can’t think about that now, no matter how much it’s on my mind or how much I even want to daydream.   
I slip into some work-appropriate clothes begrudgingly and head off to the kitchen for some breakfast. My stomach rumbles and growls for food, almost like it’s yelling at me to feed it. I switched on the kitchen lighting, momentarily blinding me as I continued through my small kitchen. It was one of those mornings where I had no clue what I wanted to eat for breakfast until I looked at something and decided that it would be acceptable to eat while also being quick and easy to eat. Opening up the freezer, my eyes fell upon a partially eaten package of frozen waffles which made my stomach growl even harder than before.   
With a small smile on my face, I picked up the package which sent a shiver from my fingertips all the way down my spine to my toes because of how cold it felt. Within seconds, the frozen waffles were being heated up in my dingy, old toaster while I sat there against the counter staring at the toaster as if it would help speed up the process. In the meantime, though, I decided to get the orange juice and pour myself a glass. The glass full of OJ clinked softly against the countertop, my fingers resting against the side of the glass.   
Giving me a shock, the toaster popped up my two sizzling waffles, sending steam into the air. Placing them on a white plate quickly since they were hot, I began to pour the syrup into a small cup beside it. It always bugs me when people pour their syrup over the waffles because it’ll just get more soggy and sticky to eat which I never liked. I apply the same thinking to my pancakes. But that way I can control how much syrup I get in one bite. Maybe that is the part of me that loves to control everything, but why not right?   
Soon enough, my plate is cleared from waffles and only leaving a few crumbs and some drips of smudged syrup scattered around the plate. Heading over to the sink, I absentmindedly ran the plate under lukewarm water that sprayed a few drops of water on my face which, admittedly, woke me up a bit as if it were an unintentional morning wake-up call. As soon as I knew it, I was about to leave when I heard a knock on the door.   
That was startling for me to hear because I never get visitors at this seemingly ungodly time of the morning. Granted, it was only 7 am. But if it were my choice I’d be in bed still. It’s not like I don’t enjoy going to work, I just enjoy sleeping lazily more than socializing with actual people. Reluctantly, I decide to answer the door anyway because it may be someone I know that wants something important or something.   
A rush of cold air blows inside quickly, yet softly while rustling my hair a bit while I open the door to reveal who it is at the door. To my surprise, it’s Izzy standing outside, and his motorcycle parked outside against the curb on my front lawn. My cheeks burn like a sunrise on a summer’s day while my stomach gets butterflies and my hands become clammy and restless. His eyes, as I look into them, seem kind and loving as he smiles. It’s always cute when you see someone smiling and their eyes are smiling as well. I love it when Izzy smiles in general since he has that quiet bad boy thing going on anyways.   
“Izzy… What’re you doing here? Not that I’m complaining either…” I gasp, my fingers still moving restlessly.   
I move out of the way slightly so he can come inside for a bit. “Can’t I give you a ride to work without any questions being asked? This is how I get treated for doing something nice?”   
He gets progressively closer to my face, stepping towards me more with every passing second. His hand gently brushed the hair out of my face and behind my ears, his hand eventually falling to the back of my neck in order to pull my closer to him in a soft kiss. Instinctively, I put my hand around his back and left one arm at my side. The nervous butterfly feeling soon fades away as soon as our lips meet in a kiss. If this wasn’t a sign of things to come, then I don’t know what is.   
I noticed as time went on how much more passionate our kisses have gotten. That first kiss we shared was so awkward as if we didn’t really know what to do. Then it went on to be more confident yet still sweet and innocent. Now it’s more passionate, but not makeout level. God no. That just feels like too much for me and too unnecessary as well. Like no one needs to see that. However, Izzy pulls away from me and his hand stays on my neck for a couple of seconds while his forehead touches mine.   
“Are you ready?” he asks me breathlessly.   
I grin shyly, keeping my eyes closed momentarily. “Yes. Let’s go.”   
Closing the door behind me in a loud thud, the key turning inside the lock, we walk to his motorcycle that I’ve become so familiar and accustomed to over the past couple of years. It still shines just as bright as it did the first time he offered me a ride on his motorcycle. The wind blows our hair slightly as we climb on.   
Just as the times before, I wrap my hands around Izzy’s waist and place my head on his right shoulder. My face grows hot ever-so-slightly as I remember how close we’re actually sitting together. However, everything else melts away as the motor revs and we speed off towards the studio. I find myself not paying attention to the scenery around me, rather I find myself thinking about things. Especially about what thing, in particular, is going to happen. I know it’ll happen and there’s no way that what just happened is it. I feel like it’s going to be something big and impactful and unexpected. Yet… I feel like I’m going to expect it. That kept my thinking for the majority of the ride to work because there was a lot to consider about it. My mind swam in the endless possibilities of the immediate future.   
In no time at all, it felt like we arrived at the studio. We both saw Slash walking inside just as Izzy and I arrived at the studio. Beneath his frizzy, curly hair, I can tell he’s smirking and smiling at us. He knows what’s going on, and he should. The door behind Slash closes softly which leaves us to go inside. Who was already at work I’m not sure yet because I wasn’t really paying attention too much either.   
Although, the look on Izzy’s face showed me that he had something on his mind like it was something big. My stomach jumped and did flips because I had an idea of what would happen, and I knew that I would like it very much. And in the back of my mind, occupying at least half of my thoughts, I was thinking about Duff and how I love to be with him, how his body fits perfectly with mine, how I love the way he kisses me.   
“Is- Is something on your mind, Izzy?” I ask quietly. I was trying hard not to reveal any emotions.   
He chuckles without making eye contact with me. “Yeah… Kind of. Can we talk about it in the hall before we get inside the room?” he suggests, still no eye contact.   
I nod wordlessly in response. A rush of cool air hits my face when we both walk inside the building, the receptionist sitting in the same place as she always has. My stomach churned with excitement like a saltwater taffy plant.   
“Okay… Here we are. So, what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?” I ask, trying my best to keep my cool like a cucumber.   
His eyes were suddenly different than they had appeared this morning. I couldn’t quite place it. “Look, I’ve wanted to talk to you about this and nobody knows yet but-” he shifted in place for a moment as if he were uncomfortable somehow as I was almost bursting with emotions- “I’m quitting the band.”   
This. This was it. This was what I felt was coming and happening all morning. However, my heart felt like it had been dropped and shattered like a glass figurine. My stomach dropped like one of those rides at a county fair. My bottom lip quivered ever-so-slightly. The tear duct hadn’t been activated yet, but I knew that it would soon open like Niagra Falls. “Wh-What? But- This morning- I-”   
“I’m so sorry, Rose, but it’s just that after I’ve gotten sober, I can’t watch my friends practically kill themselves with drugs and alcohol anymore,” Izzy responds in a quiet tone. His eyes were filled with sorrow and sadness, pleading for me to forgive him.   
“Bullshit. I know that’s not the full reason.” I crossed my arms across my chest. “What about that kiss this morning? Or any other damn one we’ve had in the whole that we’ve known each other?” I didn’t want to scream or yell or attract any other attention otherwise. I didn’t want another incident like what Duff and I had that day. God, it felt like it was leading up to that and it broke my heart to even think of what’s to come.   
“Please… Tell me the whole truth,” I plead in a quiet whisper.   
Izzy lets out a small sigh before speaking and looking me in the eyes again. “Okay. Alright. You know that I love you with all my heart, to the moon and back with every heartbeat and breath I give. But… It’s hard to wait for someone and something that you know may never happen. I know that no matter how much time you spend with me you always are thinking about Duff in the back of your mind. But it’s still hard to give up something that you know it’s everything you want.   
You and I… We were always like parallel lines. Always close, but will never be able to be together. The thing is with you and Duff, with or without him, you knew deep down you would’ve been fine without him. But I get it. You preferred to be just fine with him.   
It hurts for me too, I won’t lie, because our honest feelings and bad timing just didn’t make for the ideal situation. We were never meant for each other. Well, maybe we were and we did it all wrong. But I’m glad that for a sheer moment it felt like we were.   
I- It’s my fault for complicating things for you. It was my mistake for making you my priority when I was only your second choice.”   
Now was the time when my tear ducts decided to open and all the tears would come out slowly in a quiet sob until it’s dry. My shoulders shook silently and I couldn’t bear to look him in the eyes without causing more hurt or heartbreak. I didn’t know what to say. Except I know that this wasn’t how I envisioned things going this morning. “No… Please… Don’t-Don’t say that! Please! I- I don’t want you to leave…” I sobbed quietly. “I love you. I loved you so much.”   
He chuckles sadly. “I know. I know you did. I never wanted things to turn out this way, but I know that I would never be happy with you knowing that you were also in love just as equally, if not more, with my best friend. And I know you would never be able to be fully happy with me.”   
Little did I know, Duff, Axl, Slash, Dizzy, and Matt were all standing outside of the door in a semicircle with bewildered looks on their faces, mouths hanging open. I couldn’t bear to look at him or anyone else.   
“I was never going to stay the whole day today… I just wanted to have a chance to touch you and kiss you for the last time before I quit. But I have one more thing to tell you. The song ‘Don’t Cry’... Listen to it and think of me because I wrote it for you about you and I. I meant every word in the song. Just… Don’t take it so hard and know that I’ll remember all the good times we had together… You’ll be alright and I know it,” Izzy whispers in my ear.   
The tears flowed harder, silently, as the words processed in my brain. That song… It all made sense. Every single word and lyric to it. He wrote it for me… Both of my songs… Oh god…   
And before he started to walk away. He kissed me one last time and gave me one final embrace then walked away. I couldn’t take it anymore. “No! Please! Don’t you dare walk away! I- I don’t- No… I love-” The words all came tumbling out of my mouth in a heap of confusion. I ran up to him and grabbed his wrist in the meantime. “Please, I don’t want you to leave me. I could never have a life without you in it, even if we were only just friends.”  
He only squeezed my hand lovingly, with a hint of regret, and spoke no other words to me and just walked down the hall to the door. I watched painstakingly as he walked away forever. That's when I truly broke down and cried on my knees, kneeling on the floor.   
Burying my head in my hands, staining them with the tears that flowed endlessly from my eyes. I felt people behind me and, reluctantly, I looked behind me through the blurred vision to see Axl, Slash, and Duff. They looked at me solemnly. Duff was the one who made my heart feel a spark in it even though of my hardship. Even when I felt sad and broken, that same part of me still did want Duff and to be with him. I did want it and even though I knew Izzy was right, I didn't want to admit it.   
“I’m so sorry, Rose… I don’t even know if I can say anything to make you feel better without making me sound like an ass,” Slash told me. It was so him to bring a tiny joke into a serious situation.   
“I can still kick his ass if I need to. I’ll do it and hunt him down,” Axl offered. I know that he's dead serious right now because he’s such a hothead. All I did in response was smile gratefully at him, politely.   
However, Duff kneeled down beside me and wrapped his arms around me. No words. Just embracing me. Not taking advantage of my broken state to get together with me, but truly wanting to console me in my time of need. My head rested on his shoulder and nestled comfortingly in his neck, and I felt his hair brushing lightly against my face. “I know how much he meant to you, Rose. I’m not gonna pretend like it’s not hard for me too. He was one of my best friends, but I know you loved him too.”   
Suddenly, I didn’t feel the tears flowing out anymore. Not because I had no more tears left to cry, but because I felt so loved and comforted by my friends and I knew that they cared about me. Even when I was crying over Izzy, Duff wanted me to know that he was there for me in any way possible. “Duff, I love you so much and I- I’m so sorry,” I whimpered.   
Chuckling, he replied, “Sorry for what?” Stopping to let me go and look me in the eyes, Duff continued. “Sorry for realizing that you have feelings for someone else other than me? You shouldn’t have to be sorry about that. I acted like a little fucker through the whole thing. If you had chosen, I would’ve supported you whether it was me or him. Even if you don’t want to be with me anymore… I won’t be disappointed. Do whatever makes you feel better. If that’s isolating yourself, then do it. But if-”   
In a moment of sheer instinct, I cut Duff off with a kiss and I felt him smile through our kiss. Destinies collided and burst, and I knew this was what was meant to be. Sometimes in order to get what you want in life, you have to let something go even if it hurts your heart to do it.   
“If you promise to me my girlfriend, after work I’ll go and break up with Mandy for you. I know what I want and I know you do too. But I don’t want you to feel like I’m taking advantage of you or anything…” he asks me, flustered and nervous.   
I laugh at him and I know only one response to this question. “Yes.” I smile at him lovingly, yet I know that he knows I’m still sad inside.   
“Look, I don’t want to sound like an ass right now. But… I have to give you some tough love right now. You have to let it all go. The way he kissed you, the way he touched you, and brought you closer from your waist. You have to accept that he may not come back, and leave him and that world behind. Treasure the memories and how they feel, but you have to remember all that I’ve told you,” Duff reminds me in a soft, quiet voice. His hand ran through my hair soothingly and it made me smile.   
“I love you so much…” I whisper.   
“I love you too.”


	15. Chapter 15

Duff and I are perfectly happy right now, however, Mandy didn’t really take the news as well, of course, I expected that. We’re boyfriend and girlfriend, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Sure, I miss Izzy so much too. But, I can still look back on the memories as much as I want to; and, sometimes I walk down memory lane just to see him again.   
Duff and I go on dates often and hang around each other’s houses. A year or so ago, he asked me to move in with him into his mansion. It was a huge gesture and a huge step in our relationship, but I knew that I was ready to take that step. I’ve been taking baby steps for far too long and it was about time anyhow. God, I’m so happy with him and I know that he loves me to pieces and finds any time possible to hug me or kiss me or just be around me to talk with me.   
I have seen Izzy’s album from his new band Izzy Stradlin and the Juju Hounds. Gotta say I listen to his new songs often just because they’re that good. God, I make them sound like they’re really new even though they were released two years ago. Wow, 1991 was two whole years ago. I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that it’s 1993 already sometimes.   
The guy who replaced the rhythm guitarist spot is Gilby Clarke. I mean, he’s a good guitar player, I won’t deny him that. But it feels a little off in my opinion, but I’m severely biased too. Even I can recognize talent. He’s a good fit for the band, I’ll admit that too. Even Matt Sorum and Dizzy Reed are pretty good guys once I got to know them. I’ve never gotten the chance to personally get to know them like on the level that I and Duff, Slash, or Axl are on. But we’re friendly with each other when we talk to each other, which isn’t that often.   
It’s currently May 1993, and I and the band are on tour. Duff and I are staying in the same hotel room, naturally, and the rest of the guys have a room near ours. I haven’t been on tour with them yet, so this is the perfect time to get to know how hectic things can get especially for assistants like me. What I’ll probably end up doing is getting instruments ready and setting up on stage and helping with the setlists and getting the venues set up and ready. However, it’s strange to think that the band has more members than I originally knew them to have.   
When I first started in 1988, there was only Axl, Duff, Izzy, Slash, and Steven. Now they have Matt, Dizzy, Gilby, female background singers, and an orchestra. So, needless to say, it’s strange for me to even now. I remember Duff telling me when they first hired the orchestra and after Izzy and Steven were gone, he was almost confused and a little sad to see how much the lineup has changed from then to at that time.   
Duff and I sit in our hotel room on top of the beds, me on one side of the bed, and him on the other side. The air around us was as silent as a country road at midnight. However, our little world was buzzing with life as we continued to gaze into each other’s eyes, our eyes locked as if we had thrown the key aside for later use.   
Then I noticed how his lips curled into a bright, gleaming smile, and an imaginary light bulb illuminated over his head. “Let's play a small game. I’ll turn on the radio, and the first song to come on is dedicated to us,” he announces while reaching across the bed to hold my hand, our fingers interlocked with one another’s.   
Blushing madly while a contagious smile danced on my lips, I return, “That sounds like fun! Let’s hope that it’s a good song.” I chuckle quietly underneath my breath.   
A clicking sound echoes through the hotel room as Duff presses the on the button of the small, silver radio on the side table to the left of the bed. The first song that comes on is ‘Without You’ by Motley Crue and the music bounces off the walls like a bouncy castle at a child’s birthday party. My heart pounds to the beat of the drums rhythmically as if my heart were a literal bass drum.   
“That is a good choice,” I comment with the same smile on my lips.   
Duff smiles just the same, his gaze softening as his eyes meet mine once again, his eyes melting me from under his brooding gaze. “This is dedicated to us…” He pauses for a moment to listen to the song. “Without you in my life, I’d slowly wilt and die. But with you by my side, you’re the reason I’m alive.” Duff sings along to the song, pulling me close against him so close that I can hear the vibrations in his chest as he sings to me.   
Soon enough, he brings me into a kiss which closes the gap between us further until there’s nothing left between us. The kiss is so long, lingering, and sweet and I have to restrain from laughing or smiling in the midst of our kiss.   
However, the phone rings and it interrupts us in the middle of our kiss. I rush to pick it up with a smirk on my lips as if to say ‘I beat you to the phone’.   
“Hello?” I ask.   
“Hey, it’s Axl. I had a quick question for you: Could you fill in as a background singer for the next five shows? I mean I know that you know all the songs practically by heart.”   
“I’d love to! Anything else I need to know before we meet you at the venue tonight?”  
“Nope, see you there.”   
I hang up the phone on the receiver and give a quick look to Duff. “You hear that? I’m gonna be on stage with you for the next five shows as a background singer. How’s that sound, hmm?” I ask in a whisper-like tone.   
He smiles wryly and laughs as if unable to contain himself. “I’m not gonna lie, that sounds really great. I can’t wait for tonight…” 

*** 

Time flies by like a bird gliding in the wind. The venue is bustling with fans left and right in the crowd with drinks galore. The air conditioning blows on my face and blows any stray hairs away from my face. I decided to dress nicely in a red dress with a black heel, a black leather jacket, and some dark red lipstick to compliment everything. I loved this look, and I knew that I’d stand out from everyone else on stage.   
However, I did notice something was strange about who was here because I hadn’t seen Gilby all night long. I knew that there must have been some good explanation in store for this moment in time, so I didn’t worry too much.   
Time was ticking, and it was getting closer and closer to showtime. I wasn’t too much of a nervous wreck because I’ve already been in a GNR music video or two, so it’s all good. You’d think that I would have gotten stage fright by now, but I’m kind of immune to that because I don’t really worry about that kind of thing. After all, I kind of has to think like that if I’m gonna continue working with Guns n Roses.   
The small clock with red numbers shows that it’s two minutes to show time, and I see everyone hustling over to the stage where a big, heavy curtain covers the stage.   
I stand on a small pedestal off to the right side near the drummer in front of the mike. I eye Duff who gives me a thumbs up as well as Axl and Slash. However, I still don’t see Gilby. A pit forms in my stomach as I start to worry if he’s not gonna show up in time for the show. Running late in traffic? Running late in the dressing room? Who knows, unfortunately.   
The curtains pull across, the spotlight blinding my eyes and the crowd cheering is almost deafening to my ears.   
“Hey guys, how are you fucking doing? We have a few surprises for you tonight, so get ready.” Axl pauses to look at me while the spotlight shines on me. “This is Rose Blake, our assistant. She’s filling in as a background singer for the next few shows. But we also have someone else filling in as the rhythm guitarist. So, let’s bring up Izzy Stradlin!”   
The crowd goes wild, and my heart stops beating for a moment while everything else around me seems to stop for a hot second. Izzy comes in and waves to the crowd with his signature guitar slung over his shoulder, only glancing at me for a second and smirking while walking to the empty mike. I feel my cheeks stinging, and I hope that nobody sees me like this. Especially since I’m on stage too.   
“How are you guys doing?” He stops for a second to hear the crowd respond. “I have something I wanna say to someone. *turning around towards me* Hey Rose, haven’t seen you in a while…”   
I haven’t seen him since the day he left the band two years ago. Every old feeling came rushing back to me. Every sad feeling came rushing back like a madly flowing river as well as new happy emotions. I couldn’t help but run up to him and give Izzy a big hug. He envelops me kindly, and I know that he’s smiling.   
Sheepishly, I return to my place and hope that no one can see my face right now.   
A few songs pass, and I’m loving being a background singer right now. It’s so invigorating especially when it’s songs that I know. But then Duff and Izzy come up to the mike at the same time.   
“Okay, we the next few songs are dedicated to my beautiful girlfriend up there. Rose, these are for you,” Duff announces into the microphone.   
“This is ‘Patience’ then ‘Don’t Cry’. Rose, I love ya,” Izzy adds with a wry smile.   
My heartbeat to the rhythm of the song as I sang along to the song with a smile on my face. I can’t help but look at Duff as the songs continue as well, with a few stolen glances in Izzy’s direction as well.   
The night ends as quickly as it started, it seems, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Every time we perform, Duff and Izzy dedicate those songs after me to the audience, and I feel it in my soul that the emotions are there when they’re talking to the audience. I feel it in my soul and in my heart whenever I hear the lyrics to the songs. It’s going to feel like a reunion for the next few days because of Izzy’s return, and I’m loving it.


End file.
